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    dots Submission Name: In Additiondots

    Author: drowning_queen
    Elite Ratio:    5.44 - 245/270/52
    Words: 178
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 898
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1099


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Additiondots

    It isnít enough
    sitting here,
    like this,
    with you
    I want more
    I want your shoulder to slide closer and
    settle against my arm
    I want your knee to brush my thigh again
    I want your hands
    on my hands
    your mouth
    on my mouth
    I want to draw spirals along your jaw
    your eyes are so sleepy
    lay your head in my lap
    Iíll stroke your hair and we can
    watch just one more movie
    stretch your toes a little closer
    let me wrap my leg over yours
    put your hand on my hip
    rest your forehead
    against my neck
    put your ear on my chest
    count my heartbeats
    Iíll count your breaths
    run your thumb over my collarbone
    trace the vein in my temple
    take your glasses off and
    let me hold our faces close
    I want to see your eyes
    from a new angle
    and I just have to kiss you again
    hold my shoulder blades and
    tell me to never, ever stop
    and I wonít
    because this is the best part of my day

    Submitted on 2006-01-09 09:24:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Funny, I never pictured you in this light. It's a departure, and a lot better than the classic rock-star-does-blues number. It's...romantic as opposed to sexual. Actually, it's a mix of both...but sensual, not erotic. It reminds me of this thing Drew said to Alex once (in real time): "I wish you were here. I miss kissing you every night. I want to fall asleep with your head on my chest." It's a depth of intimacy that we're not used to seeing in you. Like, 'I don't care what we do, as long as I'm with you/ we're together. I want to fall asleep in your arms.' A fave.

    | Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ]
      very tender and sensual...

    "let me hold your faces..." i think you mean "face.."
    unless he's got more than one!! lol!!

    anyway, i enjoyed this. it made me want to curl up with my lover on the sofa and make out soft and slow...

    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I first noticed this in your journal and remember thinking I actually liked it better than some of your recent stuff, so I'm glad you decided to post it. A piece like this flows a lot better and conveys a lot more emotion than some of your more structured poems. I'm guessing it was written all in one go, rather than being agonised over?

    I don't know what it is about it that I like: there's nothing particuarly profound here, nothing all that original in the content. I think it's just the way you captured the moment so perfectly. Or maybe it's just because it matches my mood recently. Either way - nice, uncomplicated work. T x
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by tulip | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a wonderful piece. A bit of longing, a bit of the past. Nicely done!

    I think I connect with this one because it is simple and straight forward, and at times like this being simple and straight-forward is how you have to be.

    It isn't spoon-feeding. You don't tell the reader how to feel, you just paint a picture with your thoghts and let us sonnect emotionally to that setting.

    Very nice work,

    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      WHAT THE [censored] IS THIS?????

    i mean the subject matter is like nothing i've seen from you. the tone is so passionate and desperate, it feels like you let your guard down on this one. showed us all a little deeper, the tender flesh of your heart.

    the feeling attached to this is one of the few things that make me believe there could be a god. if not it is love. well the feeling longed to have again. there's a diffrence between loving someone and being in love, it's just never the same.

    awesome again.

    i'm really digging the variety in these last 2 posts.

    the title kinda threw me off a bit, maybe your sheeps clothing are more camaflauging of the fox, either way it doesn't change the value of the poem,


    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by Skillessbasterd | [ Reply to This ]
      I didnít really dig this one. I thought it was way too simply and straightforward. It lacks passion, and depth. Anyone could've written it.

    What you express here is something that every couple experiences and if you wanted to write about that you could've done from different perspective or the language could've been more metaphorical or more complex. Just a suggestion.

    Nice attempt though.

    Take care and keep writing.


    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      when you melt into one, you forget everything and care about nothing.

    the way you started it i really thought it was going to end up with you announcing the oneness of man and woman - yet all it was was you coming home - very intense.

    but i sense something of a sheep in wolf's clothing - can you be a bit overwhelming sometimes? thats assuming you're writing in 1st person. i get the picture now.

    'and we can watch just one more movie' - who cares what we do, how long we take, so long as we're together right? very enjoyable, think i might have an ice-cube shower.
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by bugsy | [ Reply to This ]

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