In Addition -------------------------------------------
It isnít enough
I want more
I want your shoulder to slide closer and
settle against my arm
I want your knee to brush my thigh again
I want your hands
on my hands
on my mouth
I want to draw spirals along your jaw
your eyes are so sleepy
lay your head in my lap
Iíll stroke your hair and we can
watch just one more movie
stretch your toes a little closer
let me wrap my leg over yours
put your hand on my hip
rest your forehead
against my neck
put your ear on my chest
count my heartbeats
Iíll count your breaths
run your thumb over my collarbone
trace the vein in my temple
take your glasses off and
let me hold our faces close
I want to see your eyes
from a new angle
and I just have to kiss you again
hold my shoulder blades and
tell me to never, ever stop
and I wonít
because this is the best part of my day
Funny, I never pictured you in this light. It's a departure, and a lot better than the classic rock-star-does-blues number. It's...romantic as opposed to sexual. Actually, it's a mix of both...but sensual, not erotic. It reminds me of this thing Drew said to Alex once (in real time): "I wish you were here. I miss kissing you every night. I want to fall asleep with your head on my chest." It's a depth of intimacy that we're not used to seeing in you. Like, 'I don't care what we do, as long as I'm with you/ we're together. I want to fall asleep in your arms.' A fave.
I first noticed this in your journal and remember thinking I actually liked it better than some of your recent stuff, so I'm glad you decided to post it. A piece like this flows a lot better and conveys a lot more emotion than some of your more structured poems. I'm guessing it was written all in one go, rather than being agonised over?
I don't know what it is about it that I like: there's nothing particuarly profound here, nothing all that original in the content. I think it's just the way you captured the moment so perfectly. Or maybe it's just because it matches my mood recently. Either way - nice, uncomplicated work. T x
i mean the subject matter is like nothing i've seen from you. the tone is so passionate and desperate, it feels like you let your guard down on this one. showed us all a little deeper, the tender flesh of your heart.
the feeling attached to this is one of the few things that make me believe there could be a god. if not it is love. well the feeling longed to have again. there's a diffrence between loving someone and being in love, it's just never the same.
i'm really digging the variety in these last 2 posts.
the title kinda threw me off a bit, maybe your sheeps clothing are more camaflauging of the fox, either way it doesn't change the value of the poem,
I didnít really dig this one. I thought it was way too simply and straightforward. It lacks passion, and depth. Anyone could've written it.
What you express here is something that every couple experiences and if you wanted to write about that you could've done from different perspective or the language could've been more metaphorical or more complex. Just a suggestion.