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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Glass Heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Autum-Moon
    ASL Info:    15/Female/drowing
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 284/165/29
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1397
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 395



    Description:
       This was something I tought about. How it is so easy to brake a heart, just as it is so easy to brake glass. So I compared the two and got this poem. Hope you enjoy it, tell me what you think and what I can change.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGlass Heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    This one pure thing,
    the one thing that matters.
    To the floor it falls,
    in pieces it shatters.

    This beautiful thing,
    that once exists,
    Had many times before pumped blood,
    to these scared up wrists.

    Like glass it shattered,
    Right from the start.
    All in pieces,
    lays the innocent heart.




    Submitted on 2006-01-09 11:18:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      As someone before commented, I think you could improve the piece by fixing the grammar. Nice concept though.

    ~ Daisy x
    | Posted on 2007-10-30 00:00:00 | by Drowning Daisy | [ Reply to This ]
      keep writing your good. i like ur stuff. my fingers snap at it.
    | Posted on 2007-03-01 00:00:00 | by AeThe Lost Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      Short but perfectly done, a classic and often used comparison, that can never be used up, simple (which is ALWAYS best in poetry) potent and poignant ... loved it ... bravo ... bravo ... barvo ... michael
    | Posted on 2007-02-15 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really good poem, personally I sometimes find it hard to talk about something in rhyme whilst still keeping things subtle, you've certainly pulled it off here though. Good work indeed and thank you for your thoughts on My mind its good to see someone who can relate. Anyhow great write!
    | Posted on 2007-02-13 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      Very pretty. And very true. It is almost like mine. ^-^ <3 I love it.
    | Posted on 2006-12-17 00:00:00 | by EbonyBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      amazing. i think thats all that i could say to express how i feel about this.

    x0
    | Posted on 2006-12-09 00:00:00 | by DontLetGo421 | [ Reply to This ]
      excellent poem. I am adding this to my faves~it is so true (only way to improve it, the grammatical errors) but like I said love it
    | Posted on 2006-11-21 00:00:00 | by DesecratedDream | [ Reply to This ]
      you definitely picked a good thing to write about the heart is a very fragile thing as is love if your not careful youll drop it and youll never be able to put it back the exact same way it was.

    Keep writing on,
    Eagle
    | Posted on 2006-10-21 00:00:00 | by (Eagle) | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good write. I love the flow and rythm. Definatly one of my favs. I love the emotion. I can definatly relate! Hope to hear more from you :)

    Ciao,

    }i{Renae}i{
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by Poetic_tragedy6 | [ Reply to This ]
      Your rhyme is wonderful - subtle and not too sing-songy - that's really hard to do (it is for me, anyway). The structure is tight and to the point - so many poets waste words and it's hard to be terse sometimes. Great poem!
    | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by JAvery | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I really like this poem. It is only too true that a heart is that easily broken I know exactly what you are saying. And as far as you needing to change anything, I think it is great just the way it is.
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by The Alone | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this poem..its true hearts are fragile..the flow was perfectly done..i love all your work..i'm adding this one to my favs list... :)

    -lucy-
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      wow
    this is great nicly done
    i love it it is great lol you flow very wel and im getting it i can relate i was woundering why did you write this poem its now on my favorites:))
    | Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by James Wiffy | [ Reply to This ]
      That was beautiful, very beautiful. I liked it alot. And it is now added to my favorites list. Keep up the good work.<333 ...
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by sinister_always | [ Reply to This ]
      this piece was very beautifully written and i especially enjoyed the way you managed to convey such a sense of loss and sorrow in so few words. i often find that poetry written in short stanzas without overusage of words is the easiest to read. excellent job!

    Meow!
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by lynxstarfire | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this was very well done & it is heartbreaking even 2 read!
    I like minimalism and this was just perfect to capture a subject that is always covered - if we had more compassion for each other it wouldn't be so easy to break
    Love,Peace,Joy&Smiles 2 share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      hey i was just wondering did this poem cross your mind because of something that has just recently happened or because you write like this on your on time????
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
      This is definitely a strong piece. You are very exact in each description, the fact that this poem is short doesn't effect the rhythm. I love it.
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by Ishtar | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the way that you write, the poem is not very long but it captivates you from the first line. Poems don't have to always be very long to tell a story.

    I will definately be looking forward to future poems.
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by sunraybutterfly | [ Reply to This ]
      This took about thirty seconds to read.
    What an interesting thirty seconds...

    This is the first of your writings I have read, and, because of this - Your style, your choice of words, the feeling behind the meaning - I will go on to read more.

    It says down there to say What Distracted Me From The Piece.

    Nothing.

    Just that should show to you that not even the sounds of the loudest music I have on my PC playing in my background can distract me because I was too "in to" the poem.

    Why? I wanted to see what happened to the poor little heart :-(
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by KasPeR88 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey,

    Good write. I liked the to the point simplicity. Though it was simple, it had a behind emotion. that could really be felt.

    *Let it Flow*
    Raven
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by Silent_Tears | [ Reply to This ]
      You know when I read this, it instantly made me think of me! I love how you didn't spell out what you feel in descriptive detail!
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by Suki | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem was extremely good! I love the flow of it and I can see your point very obviously. I'm adding this one to my favorites!
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]


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