Description: What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?
My pen made love to my paper -------------------------------------------
No one could feel me like you do
From day one you and my pen is what got me through
all the hell in anything that happened to me
It was you;
you told me one day I'd make the world see
The passion I have when this pen makes love to you
there's no telling what will come out
I read you over and over again to see if it's true
Are you tryna tell me something when you explode on this page?
I must say this is a rare felling and definitely not a phase
My body feels ecstasy when I sign you sometimes
Canít say what it is, but your always on time
There's only one person I know that could've given me this gift
to make you love me so and deal with all this shit
I know for a fact you'd never fail me
If I went deaf today
I'd still have you and my sight to see
I think that this poem has the potential to be really powerful. My advice would be to create stanzas to separate the bulk of the poem. Think about how you want us to read it and what you want us to feel when we read it. Then use that to punctuate it. If you make some those changes and then resubmit I will be looking forward to re reading it. x
I like the way you are talking about your pen and paper always being there for you, but i don't like how you said "this pen makes love to you" that sort of freaked me out, but keep trying to improve on the word choice and the topic.
I understands these feelings. I know what it's like to have just pen and paper and write down all your feelings. I find it so much easier to express what I am feeling through writing rather then speaking. I sometimes find feelings I never really knew I was feeling. I love this short and beautiful poem. I love how it expresses poets and writers. I love it.