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    dots Submission Name: My pen made love to my paperdots

    Author: Suki
    ASL Info:    26/Female/Houston
    Elite Ratio:    2.59 - 12/16/3
    Words: 167
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 788
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 926

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

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    dotsMy pen made love to my paperdots

    No one could feel me like you do
    From day one you and my pen is what got me through
    all the hell in anything that happened to me
    It was you;
    you told me one day I'd make the world see
    The passion I have when this pen makes love to you
    there's no telling what will come out
    I read you over and over again to see if it's true
    Are you tryna tell me something when you explode on this page?
    I must say this is a rare felling and definitely not a phase
    My body feels ecstasy when I sign you sometimes
    Canít say what it is, but your always on time
    There's only one person I know that could've given me this gift
    to make you love me so and deal with all this shit
    I know for a fact you'd never fail me
    If I went deaf today
    I'd still have you and my sight to see

    Submitted on 2006-01-09 11:23:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I also liked this and what it means. When you write 'tryna' so kind of takes away from this instead of juest saying trying to tell me something. Just a thought. I loves the opening line though!
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by Peachpitt | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to totally agree with sunraybutterfly this song has a lot of potential you just need to clean it up a bit. Good work though. I love the name of the poem it freakin rocks!
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by sinister_always | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that this poem has the potential to be really powerful. My advice would be to create stanzas to separate the bulk of the poem. Think about how you want us to read it and what you want us to feel when we read it. Then use that to punctuate it.
    If you make some those changes and then resubmit I will be looking forward to re reading it. x
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by sunraybutterfly | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the way you are talking about your pen and paper always being there for you, but i don't like how you said "this pen makes love to you" that sort of freaked me out, but keep trying to improve on the word choice and the topic.
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
      I understands these feelings. I know what it's like to have just pen and paper and write down all your feelings. I find it so much easier to express what I am feeling through writing rather then speaking. I sometimes find feelings I never really knew I was feeling. I love this short and beautiful poem. I love how it expresses poets and writers. I love it.
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by Autum-Moon | [ Reply to This ]

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