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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Tip Top Clubdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Elissar
    ASL Info:    22, Female, Minnesota
    Elite Ratio:    3.9 - 32/28/14
    Words: 1196
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 791
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 5836



    Description:
       I'm just looking for things like what did you think? Should I continue writing short stories? What could I improve upon?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Tip Top Clubdots
    -------------------------------------------


    “Elise! Are you ready yet?” Harry yelled up the stairs of our two story apartment.
    “Almost darling, almost” I answered.
    I had to have everything just right tonight, because tonight we were going to the most important party of my life. It was in the Hollywood Hotel. The Hollywood Hotel had eight stories and at the very top one there was an enormous ball room were guests could either rent out the room for parties or sometimes, like tonight, the hotel would hold parties. However you had to be a member of the Tip Top Club, which mind you cost quite a bit. I finished putting on my blush and checked my medium length wavy brown hair in the mirror before turning off the light and heading down stairs. “Darling would you fetch me my coat, the fur trimmed one please.” I asked Harry, my fiancé.
    Harry gave me a smirk and walked over to the closet and pulled out my fur lined dress coat. I had inherited the coat from my grandmother who had died of cancer two years ago. I held out my arms and Harry slipped the coat over my sparkly white knee length dress. My white shoes were showing below since the coat only went down to mid-calf. “Thank you darling. Okay, now I am ready.” I said taking his arm. We walked out the door and he opened the door of our brand new automobile for me. I stepped in and sat down in the passenger’s seat. Harry got in and started the car and we took off for the Hollywood Hotel. It was winter, and it was a chilly night. Perfect for wearing my coat and looking fancy for the party. We pulled up in front of the Hollywood Hotel after a twenty minute drive and a valet, boy slightly younger than Harry, stepped out and waited for us to get out of the car. He then got in and drove off to the parking spaces. Another boy met us at the door and opened it for us. We walked into the crowed lobby and immediately music met our ears. It was a fast tune being played over the speaker up by the front desk. We walked over to the elevator and waited for a few minutes in line to get in. Once in the elevator the bell boy asked us were to and Harry answered, “The Tip Top Club.”
    “Right away sir.” Answered the young bell boy.
    Also in the elevator with us were a young girl and her parents and an older severe looking lady. I watched the numbers along the top of the elevator that indicated what floor we were on. Finally it was on seven, then eight. “Right this way sir, the bell boy ushered us into the room. Inside there was girls and men laughing and talking and dancing. Another bell boy came over to me and checked my coat. Then we moved into the dance floor and spotted our friends Susan and Charlie. We walked over to them arm in arm and said hello before slipping out onto the dance floor. “Jumping in the Woodpile” was being played by the band and Harry and I were dancing in time with the music and around us were numerous couples doing the same. As the song came to its end we were out of breath so we went and found a table to rest and Harry and Charlie went and got drinks for us. They came back with four glasses of punch. We sat and talked for quite a while occasionally Susan and I would pull Harry and Charlie onto the dance floor. But usually we just sat and talked. We talked of politics and when Harry and I were to be married and how many children we wanted. It wasn’t till about one o’ clock in the morning before we went home. Harry had had a bit too much champagne and was laughing at anything and everything. The boy who had parked our car retrieved it once we had gotten to the door. Harry got in the drivers side and I in the passengers and Harry pulled away. I was laughing and relating to Harry how Susan and I had been talking about baby names. We were about half way home when it happened. I looked over at Harry and saw that his grip in the wheel was slack and his eyes were closed. I stared at him for a moment hardly daring to believe it, but then I yelled, “Harry! Wake up!”
    Harry woke up startled and jerked the steering wheel to the right. The road was very slippery and when he tried to pull it back he slid off to the side and into the ditch we went. The automobile flipped over and over until we came to rest on our side. The auto was resting on Harry’s side of the car and I was breathing heavily and I looked down at my hands and they were all red. I had cuts and scrapes and my head hurt really bad. Suddenly, I knew no more. Everything went black. The next thing I knew, I was looking at my self, from above. It was like I was outside of my body. I was in a hospital bed with bandages around my head and there were doctors and nurses around me. One nurse was sadly shaking her head. Another nurse was pulling a white sheet up over my body. But she didn’t stop at my chin. She covered up all the way to the top of my head. I gasped and thought, “No, it can’t be. What about Harry?! Where is he?!” I was yelling at the doctor now, but they couldn’t hear me. Suddenly, there was a white light; it was like a tube going up. Then I saw him, Harry was standing next to me. He looked as handsome as ever and he was holding out his hand to me. “Come darling, its time.” He said.
    I took his hand smiling and went up the tube of light, one we got to the top, there were people I knew. My grandmother whose coat I was wearing was smiling at me, and came over to embrace me. “You are too young darling, but I’m afraid you can’t go back though, your body was too badly damaged.” She said to me. “But that’s okay, you are going to love Heaven, it’s a wonderful place. And soon you can get your wings if you work hard.”
    I wasn’t quite sure what she was saying, but somehow I knew it was true and I was really going to like it here. Where ever it was.




    Submitted on 2006-01-09 13:59:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It seems as though you like writing stories & you have very detailed descriptions that you may want to use to get more into the story rather than just setting up the scenes - like in a script or something.
    It was a good start and I'd like to see more meat to it.
    Thanks for sharing!
    Love,Peace,Joy&Smiles 2 share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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