Description: some may think that this corporal punishment is bad thing to of done to a kid, but I was on the end of that switch and I have to say it actually taught me far more then then it hurt its the only time in my life I ever( stoled) something and I've never been dumb enough to take a dare again either
anyway I'm sure this may need some more work to it so any one with idea's just speak up thanks adnil
P.S. Granny didn't win that ribbon that year
cause me and all my cousins eat the best pie in the whole state
Lesson of the Willow -------------------------------------------
Memories can be good or bad
Happy or sad
They can be warm and fawn
Or as miserable as a rainy day dawn
Treasured like gold buried in a mine
Loved so much there often brought to mind
My favorite one is of Granny
And the first time she ever spanked my fanny
Must of been about six
Started crying even before she got her switch
Said it was gonna hurt her more then me
Couldn't see how that could possibly be
Well my bottom sure smarted thats for sure
Yet the memory that remains is pure
And lesson not to do a wrong twice
Cause stealing one of Grannys pie's wasn't nice
Specially when they was marked for the prize
Blue ribbon county fair wise
Granny had had her heart set on
And I hadn't realized tell later what I'd done
The other kids had dared me to take it
They was smart enough to know granny would have a fit
Though I had it coming like it or not
Dang! thats one pie..that was worth every swat
For years I'd wondered how it hurt her more then me
After all..on the other end of that willow switch..was my fanny
Funny. But felt forced. maybe its the way i read it - but certain lines seemed too crammed together, and others too short. The story was good, made me grin - which is a good thing, doesnt happen much atm. I hate it when people call work 'cute' how embarrasing!
Keep it up - good things can come from this, positive attitudes towards constructive criticism help alot. Cheers.
Hahaha! Ya know, this is really cute. This was such a fun poem to read and it put a smile on my face that is still there. haha! See... Ohhh...I bet that pie was most definitely worth a reddened fanny! My grandma makes kick ass apple pies and as many times as I have made them, they never come out as good as hers does. I imagine its because she made it and it kinda reminds me of the holidays when I was a kid everytime I have one of her pies. Very nice poem you have here. Always nice to read a poem about a personal experience. It really adds meaning and sincerity to the write. Take care.
The ending was original, funny, and tart. The poem itself felt as though it would simply end like any other with a simple, dull paraphrase of what had happened before, but obviously, this was not the case.
The rhyme felt a little forced to me as well. The basic grammatical structure of a few lines were skewed to get the words to come out right, and it was rather noticeable. Beyond that, the rhyming words were rather dull. Bad/sad, me/be, it/fit in particular. That's not to say there weren't a few gems in there. I particularly liked not/swat and the slant rhyme six/switch. Very nice.
Overall, I could get the feeling of what you were expressing, and enjoyed the final line, but in the end, the forced rhyme kinda overshadowed this venture.
lol. I know exactly how you feel. never got swatted for stealing but got it a couple of times for fighting w/ my brother. This is a great piece, I love the humor and the lesson learned. definitely a fave. keep up the great work. J
this was terrific.. such a great thought.. for me it flowed good.. and if your gonna fix it fix it because you want too and you found something better to make if better for you.. poems are never one way or the other the writer is who makes the poem their very own.. bravo .. this was too cute.. and yeah I can relate
I liedk this, more often than not I was the one who in trouble for something my brother had dared me to do, so I can relate to this and I think that the rhyme was spot on. I liked this certainly a lot nicer than some of the poems I have read of late mostly about cutting and suicide. A nice change.
Umm forced rhyme was what stuck out to me the most. I can relate, I got spanked as a kid only more often for my mouth getting me into trouble. Overall I thought it was kinda funny, and your idea was true enough. Keep up the effort, I am no perfect either just tryin to lend some lines.
This one is really cute I didnt see the forced rhyming people are mentioning at all with this write To me this flowed very well and really captured an important message In life we live by what are parents or in your case and mine from 12-15 grandparents say I am not saying is was right to hit you with a switch But in some cases a smack on the rear is a good thing God Bless Your Friend Ron