Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: lyrical shitdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: maninthemirror
    ASL Info:    17/m/arkansas
    Elite Ratio:    2.64 - 224/318/109
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 658
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 891



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotslyrical shitdots
    -------------------------------------------


    the aberrant kings, you know the name
    been chillin just outside the game
    but now we breaking down the walls
    we in the house, walkin down the halls
    got the flow to burn it bitch, thats just within a pause
    you hear the beat stop, and then it falls
    now, I rock a crown upon the wrist
    imitate kings cut, and see your blood mist
    death, pain, and brainstormin, lyricall madness
    stab myself in the chest and bleed out lyrical passion
    bleed out my life onto a demo tape, nobody take me serious
    cut you up and kill your fam., I bet that now your hearin us
    dropin bombs like the taliban, rockin ak's
    and I'ma murder this democracy and set it a blaze
    fuck becomin rich man, ain't nothin I've ever had
    and so I guess this verse is over hear come the chorus at you ass




    Submitted on 2006-01-09 18:58:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think that you started something here that just needs to be finished. You have mad style and you are doing your thing. Some artists choose to see what they want to see...instead of looking into the mind of the one that wrote it. They want to judge from what they want to see instead of judge from your mind frame.

    *shrugs*

    i liked it!

    Mad love,

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      I wish I could hear the beat you were listening to when you were writing this. Maybe you didn't have a beat? I think the overall quality is great, but the structure of the piece needs a little work. Great job altogether, hope I can read more of these !
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by CLIT Comander | [ Reply to This ]
      u need a better flow. but ur rhyming was on point. these were my favorite lines:

    got the flow to burn it [censored], thats just within a pause
    you hear the beat stop, and then it falls

    u seem like a bonafide battle rapper. take no [censored] from no one and quick to issue challenges and kick ass and take names. good job
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      i know i alreacdy read the [censored] before u even posted it but imm still give u a cooment on it like i already said i thought it was good u kinda lose me in a few place but its all good iunderstand still tryin 2 develope a flow just like oh yeah nice journal post dont worry it will be okay
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by heavy knowledge | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    86965

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Cover written by saartha
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    The World written by jjd
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry