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    dots Submission Name: personal ravendots

    Author: bloodied_angel
    ASL Info:    15/Female/Oklahoma
    Elite Ratio:    2.63 - 79/119/44
    Words: 292
    Class/Type: Poetry/Betrayal
    Total Views: 691
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1767

       i dont know

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotspersonal ravendots

    Look into my eyes,
    Down into my soul.
    I have nothing lift to hide,
    I have nothing anymore.

    My joy has been stricken,
    My peace erased.
    My prayer to heaven,
    Abandon by saints.

    I walk unnoticed,
    I speak unheard.
    I cry to the angels,
    For I alone.

    I ask our God,
    Who sits on his throne?
    Why he took my love from me,
    Why he left me on my own.

    I walk in the shadow of a raven,
    He is my pain alive.
    I ask him will my sorrow end
    And nevermore he replies.

    He haunts my waking moment,
    His cadaver blocks the light.
    He lies me down to sleep,
    He bring me a smile, he is my delight.

    He sings to me a song of life,
    Lest I forget her face.
    He sings me songs of death,
    So that I will never forget.

    I love him and I hate him,
    Ceaselessly his beak resides in my chest.
    In sweet poetic irony,
    As the raven’s of Poe once did.

    “And Guy De Vere hast thou no tear?”
    Weep now or never cry again.
    For she loved and you repaid love
    With a sick, unrelenting, hound for money.

    Villain, tetras serpent,
    monster of so may a name.
    Why bear your head, why show yourself.
    Why bring her to this end,

    I hate you and who you are know,
    I remember the things you once did.
    From expression of my judgment
    I hope surcease from my sorrow.

    “And the angel not half as happen in heaven
    Went envying her and me.”
    For God did not love the angels,
    As my mother once loved me.

    Submitted on 2006-01-09 19:09:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This was very, very good, but I could only find one mistake. In your first styanza, it's "left" not lift. Anyways, this was a pretty cool write and I really enjoyed reading it. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      i fould your poem rather confusing, i didny quite understand what you were trying to say as an overall message. certain paragraphs where put together extreamly well tho. ~Amanda
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by babeegurl13 | [ Reply to This ]
      At first I wasn't too keen on the play with "The Raven," however it proved to be the skelton of this piece. Some advice:

    "I ask our God,
    Who sits on his throne?
    Why he took my love from me,
    Why he left me on my own."

    Here is the confusion. Between these two pieces of the poem. The begining until this point, seem to be about something completely different from the rest of the poem. In my opinion, I think you could cut out your intro. and just begin with the line I pasted below.

    "I walk in the shadow of a raven,
    He is my pain alive.
    I ask him will my sorrow end
    And nevermore he replies."

    From here on out there is a breathing vibration. Let this vibration continue in other pieces. By vibration I mean - I can feel this poem, I'm not just reading, I am expiriencing.

    That's all I can think of. You have used Poe in a very appropriate way here, don't let anyone tell you it is wrongly done.
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by mywordscutmetoo | [ Reply to This ]

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