Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

The Struggling

Author: Kalis
ASL Info:    17/female/U.S
Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 19 /18 /6
Words: 70
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1089
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 474


I had an idea, and just ran with it. Be honest, and don't worry I won't send you a virus. It was just somthing I did in five minutes. I like timed poems, they sound better.

The Struggling

Bond in chains of words
Held in tight by silence
A game never ceasing
Always ever proceeding
Caught in nets
Of tongue raged spears
Glistening crystal tears
Come with anger
Come with pity
No words heal the
Severed threads of
One’s humanity
No longer do we feel
We are dead to our emotions
Call us stupid, call us weird
We are the lost
Trapped by fear

Submitted on 2006-01-09 19:28:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  You know ...I took this as a conflct/war poem ...I instantly thought of soldiers when i read this ..though it could be easily put onto usual everyday aches and pains ....I love your use of words ...Apart from the line that poeticsoul has said ...I have nothing to pick at
| Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
  I really like the voice of this peice. You convey alot of emotion and pain.

The only line that really confused me was the part
"Calls stupid call us weird"

Is there supposed to be a comma? Just wondering. Its a little awkward sounding.

| Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?