Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: immortalitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bentnotbroken
    ASL Info:    25+/m/middle of nowhere
    Elite Ratio:    4.6 - 351/260/38
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1063
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 429



    Description:
       Not realy sure where this is from. I don't normally worry much about my mortality, but here it is. Thanks in advance for any comments or critiques.
    J


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsimmortalitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Ozymandias lies buried,
    along with all his great wonders,
    'neath an ever-shifting sea of sand,
    forgotten in the flow of time
    save his name.
    How much more quickly will I,
    no person of note,
    become only a memory?
    I have no great poet to record my name--
    to write me into immortality--
    only my insufficient words,
    struggling against the flowing sand.




    Submitted on 2006-01-10 00:53:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This poem is very deep and very involved. I think we all question our own existance and therefore only natural to question our fate, our demise. It will always leave one with more questions though as the answers will never be known until you die. This is why I think people tend to fear death so much. They have so many unanswered questions and none have answers. We all know people who have died and they are gone forever, kinda scary to wonder what happens after death. I like how you tie the poetry into the ending lines too. One spelling correction needed for "insufficient" in the second to last line. Otherwise a good and thought provoking poem. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this write
    But ti me no man or woman ever diminishes from the Earth
    There will always be stories past down from generation to generation about a loved one
    I really enjoyed this
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Need there be despair in death? What gives people life, purpose. This poem screams at me for some reason. I guess I just think of immortality as an unknown variable that would be either deleriously good, or enduringly painfully boring. Memories distort and forget- what would it take to be taught about in History class? Maybe trying to take over the world... but that's a little (only a little?) extreme.
    There's got to be another way...
    -Vas
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by hey.you | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree with the previous commentor, people will always wonder what will happen to them when there gone, will they live on through memories or just fade away. when you realy look at it you ask why am i realy here, great write and i must coment you on your picture. i am a big fan of brandon lee and the crow has to be my fav movie of all time, i also look just like him when i put the make up on,

    brandon
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by disturbedx1000 | [ Reply to This ]
      Great write. Sometimes I wonder if how long it'll take before I become just another memory. And after a memory, then what will it come to? I don't know had to think deep-in-thought about it. Your write is very unique, maybe the fact it makes you think. I don't know, I can't put my finger on it. Good write though.

    ~*AnGeL*~
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by missing_angel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    87008

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Wavelength written by saartha
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Linger written by saartha
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    This written by Chelebel
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To written by SavedDragon
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Push written by JanePlane
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry