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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Once Upon a Timedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Side of Keen
    ASL Info:    43/F/Middle of the US
    Elite Ratio:    3.51 - 21/23/5
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 635
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1082



    Description:
       


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    dotsOnce Upon a Timedots
    -------------------------------------------


    They didn't live happily ever after.
    Instead they stayed in Kansas
    And worked for nothing more
    Than a paycheck,
    And relished blue jean Sundays
    Of country breakfast
    And crosswords in the
    Lifestyle section of the Star.
    It was never a fairy tale,
    Hardly a love story.
    Breathless whispers gave way
    To flanneled children
    With ear infections and
    Those awful black months
    After the layoff
    When fear hung in the air
    Like thick blue smoke.

    But last night she watched him sleep.
    Studied his hands, hard and worn,
    Now folded childlike under his chin.
    She saw the scars
    And remembered them all-
    That one on the broken window,
    That one fixing the car.
    And this morning he poured her coffee
    And talked about important nothings.
    A hard frost was coming, he said.
    He felt it in his hands.
    And she watched those hands
    As he handed her the cup,
    And she felt like Cinderella.




    Submitted on 2006-01-10 02:02:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love your writing. It has such a realness to it. Something I can relate to and understand.
    You have the ability to tell a true-to-life story in such a compelling way. Such as in this well written poem. It's beautiful because it IS real, and because you love him, even with all his faults. I like the emphasis on his hands and how you see them as a loving part of him.
    And the ending was just right too.

    A really nice read, and one that I enjoyed.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      True love comes in so many different forms. This world has away of making us think if it's not a fairly tale romance then it's not real love. However if your married and I am, we know that true love is more than romance it is hard work. It's something you have to fight to keep alive everyday, through the hard times and the good. I found this to be one of the most realistic poems on love I've read on this form. Good work.
    Love and Peace,
    lynn
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by lynn7 | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the context of this! its got the vibes of a story, but condensed down into a poem! liking it alot! your use of imagery is stunnging! Basking in your glow.
    Keep on chugging cuz your onto something!
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by bambi144 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was sweet in it's own right. I liked how you redifined love, fairy tale love, That not all fairy tales may not end with riches and glory but that doesnt mean that they dont end up happily ever after. I liked that.

    peace,
    Jermaine.
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]


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