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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Pinatadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: painofthanatos
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 684/571/86
    Words: 57
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 856
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 293



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPinatadots
    -------------------------------------------


    I want you to break my heart
    But first I need you to fill it up,
    As best as you can
    Like a pinata, a hollow heart's no fun to smash
    So fill me up and make me smile
    Then if you want to - break me down
    If nothing else, it'll be fun for a while




    Submitted on 2006-01-10 07:18:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      This is so sad
    I immediately am drawn to picture of a child crying and having no one to help dry her tears
    This is so sad
    To think of happiness as lonliness my Gofd thats sad
    Please cheer up
    Look at the positives
    I know there out there you just have to find them
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-02-27 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This made me think of the hidden song by Good Charlotte called "Wounded." I really like this write. I don't really have too much advice aside from maybe you should make it longer... I personally enjoy long poems. That's just my thought. Great Write.

    CAH
    | Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by bloody_carebear | [ Reply to This ]
      Aw, I liked that a lot. You love someone so much that your heart just becomes filled up and then they all the sudden break it like a pinata. And it becomes broken. I dont know how you thought of something like that, but i'm glad you did. Its awesome
    inkpen
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by inkpen | [ Reply to This ]
      hey girl-
    wow i like this alot. like ALOT ALOT. i like the pinata to the heart thing. awesome. this piece speaks every inch of the truth lol. people like to fill it up with all the good stuff.. and then they break the hell out of it. sucks dont it? :-/ oh well.. in the end we'll be better than them :-P

    later,
    <3 Steph
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by roxygirl | [ Reply to This ]
      How do Caribou,

    this is very different, a piñata as a heart. ok let me see here. In the first line I am hoping that is sarcasm otherwise it is a very twisted form of self punishment. Now the filling up is good and also the part about a hollow heart is no fun to smash that is heartbreaking (no pun intended) lines 5 and 6 are great. what is missing here? Well one thing I can think of is that the piñata is tied to a tether and so are many hearts. Also the person hitting the piñata is blinded by a blindfold and another thing is the piñata is filled with candy, when it breaks little sugary packets of joy spill out. Here is what I would do.

    I would write in between lines 5 and 6 add the tether to the piñata in this write. After the tether addition I would also add the fact the person swinging is blinded. and the a single line after the heart wrenching line 7.. to read how breaking it doesn’t give candy but spills forth tears. I think that would hit home for me. anyhow that is just how I would do it, you do what you think you can to make it better I just have a few ideas. Anyhow very sad write and nicely done,

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a great example of being shattered after being filled with love and trust. a subject anyone with heartbreak can instantly relate to. and i must say i disagree with hey.you - pinatas do have good things that fall from them, but they are quickly scattered up by other people (friends perhaps trying to help you mend) but there's always pieces that nobody picks up, maybe their tootsie pops or something, whatever, but most of the time there are leftovers (like love still for that person that broke you) and it never does get back into the pinata. very impressive...as you can see people can read it in different ways, and that makes it unique to us. great write.
    birdy
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by birdy5005 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so sad!
    why do they have to be used like that!
    pinatas have good stuff inside that falls out over people, showering them in the fruits of their efforts. But breaking hearts only pours out more sorrow, not happiness.
    I respectfully disagree.
    -Vas (did I miss the point? I think I did:( )
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by hey.you | [ Reply to This ]


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