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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Strangerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: takenspiritwind
    ASL Info:    21/F/NH
    Elite Ratio:    4.35 - 117/95/38
    Words: 243
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 609
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1435



    Description:
       Tell me what did you think i was talking about at first...I want to know...My teacher thought that i was talking about hate or fear but he found out it wasn't. This is the second poem that is fully revised and is the final copy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStrangerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Cold, so cold it falls with a vengence
    never second-guessing where to fall.
    Drifting always on the breeze; the smell so intoxicating it can make your head spin
    to think of a scent so lightly taken.
    So light yet so heavy and it still weeps so,
    here, there it seems to spread like a rabid disease.

    Then at times it falls softer and softer barely
    a whisper on the winds.
    At times floating to earth but
    can change and crash like bricks.
    A mere whisper as warm as the Caribbean Sea
    but as cold as the land is dark.
    So dark and so cold it ambles upon plains of a
    barren earth without expression for remorse.

    And it lurks, as a stranger among strangers never showing its true face or deceptive plan.
    Like time slowing and then speeding up, however in a breath could simply fly.
    It is so precious to those who cup it in their hands
    and yearn for more when it disappears.

    A breath of life that needs not be snuffed out
    when it had lived only a short time.
    Welling like a balloon it waits for that moment
    when it can burst free of its cell.

    Ardor grows as the summer dances along
    waiting for the cold to fall upon the lands.
    And the lands that wait and thirstily crave for,
    praying silently for the rain to fall and sooth thieir limbs.




    Submitted on 2006-01-10 09:06:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Not bad at all, I did like this one alot more like you thought I would, good call haha. My only issues with this one is fall I think is used twice too close togather, but the rest of the poem made me kinda over look that, and tobe beens a space (stanza 4 line 1). Other then that I liked it alot,

    So dark and so cold it ambles upon plains of a
    barren earth without expression for remorse.

    stood out to me in particular, nice work!

    -Bella Ombra
    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by Dark Muse | [ Reply to This ]
      i like that u chose to write about something natural. Most ppl dont take the time to even think about the world around them, let alone write a dam good poem about it. great write. i loved it. im adding it to my favorites.
    -Kate
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by MyFairCalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an incredibly interesting write
    Are you referring to smoke as in cigerrette or the other one
    I am just curious
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      When I first read it, I thought of snow. And I love snow, the way that it smells, the way that it looks, and so therefore: I loved this.
    I see at the end that you're talking more of rain, but even as I reread it, I still see snow. Maybe I'm suppose to or maybe I just want to??

    This is a really good poem, you had a few typos, things like *fals* instead of *falls* and *drifing* instead of *drifting*

    "Drifing always on the breeze; the smell so intoxicating it can make your head spin
    to think of a scent so lightly taken."

    That was my favourite, and this:

    "Then at times it falls softer and softer barely
    a whisper on the winds."

    This was really great.
    Keep Writing
    -Caribou-
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]


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