Description: Tell me what did you think i was talking about at first...I want to know...My teacher thought that i was talking about hate or fear but he found out it wasn't. This is the second poem that is fully revised and is the final copy.
Cold, so cold it falls with a vengence
never second-guessing where to fall.
Drifting always on the breeze; the smell so intoxicating it can make your head spin
to think of a scent so lightly taken.
So light yet so heavy and it still weeps so,
here, there it seems to spread like a rabid disease.
Then at times it falls softer and softer barely
a whisper on the winds.
At times floating to earth but
can change and crash like bricks.
A mere whisper as warm as the Caribbean Sea
but as cold as the land is dark.
So dark and so cold it ambles upon plains of a
barren earth without expression for remorse.
And it lurks, as a stranger among strangers never showing its true face or deceptive plan.
Like time slowing and then speeding up, however in a breath could simply fly.
It is so precious to those who cup it in their hands
and yearn for more when it disappears.
A breath of life that needs not be snuffed out
when it had lived only a short time.
Welling like a balloon it waits for that moment
when it can burst free of its cell.
Ardor grows as the summer dances along
waiting for the cold to fall upon the lands.
And the lands that wait and thirstily crave for,
praying silently for the rain to fall and sooth thieir limbs.
Not bad at all, I did like this one alot more like you thought I would, good call haha. My only issues with this one is fall I think is used twice too close togather, but the rest of the poem made me kinda over look that, and tobe beens a space (stanza 4 line 1). Other then that I liked it alot,
So dark and so cold it ambles upon plains of a barren earth without expression for remorse.
i like that u chose to write about something natural. Most ppl dont take the time to even think about the world around them, let alone write a dam good poem about it. great write. i loved it. im adding it to my favorites. -Kate
When I first read it, I thought of snow. And I love snow, the way that it smells, the way that it looks, and so therefore: I loved this. I see at the end that you're talking more of rain, but even as I reread it, I still see snow. Maybe I'm suppose to or maybe I just want to??
This is a really good poem, you had a few typos, things like *fals* instead of *falls* and *drifing* instead of *drifting*
"Drifing always on the breeze; the smell so intoxicating it can make your head spin to think of a scent so lightly taken."
That was my favourite, and this:
"Then at times it falls softer and softer barely a whisper on the winds."