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    dots Submission Name: Desires Risedots

    Author: EL
    Elite Ratio:    3.39 - 272/189/52
    Words: 58
    Class/Type: Misc/
    Total Views: 656
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 380


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    dotsDesires Risedots

    Desires Rise,
    All I want is to escape,
    Escape this ,
    This reality based nightmare,
    Light it up just one more time,
    Taking that hit was more than just bliss,
    I lie there,
    Eyes wide open,
    Unable to move,
    No pain is felt,
    No tears to cry,
    No screams to be heard,
    Momentarily desires are fulfilled.

    Submitted on 2006-01-10 10:28:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Beautiful poem. I love the emotion put into this poem. The only thing that I would suggest would be not having a comma at the end of every line. Only the ones that it is needed at. Keep up the great work.

    | Posted on 2006-08-10 00:00:00 | by remedy bayden | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a fav! this is really beautiful and deep! even though its really short theres TONS of emotions in it! i loved it thats all i can say! good job!
    | Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Short but kept simple precisly. It was alright. It was as if you were speaking to yourself.
    Fav. lines were ,"No pain is felt,
    No tears to cry"
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the shortness, simplicity is sometimes the best option. But then ending needs work, it doesnt seem to go with the rest of the poem.
    I could be wrong though.

    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by Kane Martyr | [ Reply to This ]
      Normally I don't like poems that don't ryhme, but this one was different. It caught my eye when you said "taking that hit was just one more bliss" I could totally relate. I think you should try something that ryhmes because you are a very good writer!
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
      Truely a beautiful poem. It's deep and meaningful. There is alot of emotion behind it. I would have to say it is not all to orginal, but the way it is written gives it a bit of orginality.
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by Autum-Moon | [ Reply to This ]

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