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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Crimson Lullabydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lilithe_Aislin
    ASL Info:    20/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    5.19 - 79/67/15
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/Gothic
    Total Views: 288
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 870



    Description:
       Well I wrote this listening to "A Vampires Lament" and "Lip Gloss and Black" by Atreyu. I like how it turned out, though I edited it a lot when copying it here.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCrimson Lullabydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Don't let them near me
    Another bleeding heart is more then I can stand
    Bits and pieces of romance
    When you're close the scent is intoxicating
    But even a slight touch can tear the skin
    And the hunger is impossible to tame
    Warm and metallic... I've done it again
    It's so hard to keep distance
    When your taste is truly Divine
    And it's always the same
    Love, lust, murder
    Like a crimson lullaby
    One that trapped me in its hypnotic song
    Since that last beautiful sunset
    When I kissed the sun goodbye
    Someone help me, I'm so frightened
    Of my immortality
    I don't want them to see me
    Entrapped in my midnight eyes
    You're caught in my sight
    The cycle is beginning once again
    And I just smile




    Submitted on 2006-01-10 14:42:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      well... very descriptive piece, and i lovethe fact that you use 'scent' and 'taste' (like a true animal) in describing your victim - makes your poem so devilishly intoxicating - reading your poem is like tasting blood...

    'love, lust and murder
    like a crimson lullaby'

    mmm...

    And how your mood advances - from sheer animal perceptions to real human insights that reveal a true human tragedy.

    amazing
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by expiring_touch | [ Reply to This ]
      Readi this was enjoyable to say the least. You not only captured the imagery of the embrace of the imortal ones, you also captured the image of longing in the aftermath of the final sunset. My only negative comment really isn't negative just suggestive. This work could use more elaboration, fill it out farther with more story to it. I'd like to read more on this personally, and the feel I got from reading this is that you have a longer story hiding somewhere. let it out my friend, let it out!
    Good write
    ~Rob~
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by ThisIsReal | [ Reply to This ]
      "Entrapped in my midnight eyes"

    I think that would sound better if it was just "Trapped"

    Oh Lilithe, how I love you and your poetry.

    | Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by DrunkOnShadows | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like the flow. I love vampires and anything to do with the paranormal like witchcraft and stuff... Well anyways it is a great poems with only a few little tweaks. I say this to all who obsess and or love vampires... please bite me!
    See you in the next life
    ~ ms. understood
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by Rehian | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a well-written piece. You might rework it to end on the title line but it stnads well as is. Nice work.

    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      That was beautifully written. It created a really clear image. I can't say I have any negative points about it really. Overall just very well written I think.
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by Blanklight | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a wonderful vampire poem, and i should know because i obsess over them! your imagery was fantastic and i think you conveyed the emotions over quite well. i also think that your similes and metaphors helped greatly. overall a wonderfully written poem. may music guide us in all it's ways and meanings.

    Misty
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by misty_of_moon | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this was impressive and in my opinion one amazing write! I loved it...the imagry the wording the whole thing was nearly perfect. (and I only say that becuz I highly doubt I will come across the "perfect" write in my lifetime.) i don't have any negative comments for this one and I sincerely hope this piece gets the comments it deserves from other writers. keep writin'...I'll have to check out more of your stuff soon. I'll be adding this to my faves
    ~peace.
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]



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