Death by HurtDeepDown

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Submission Name: Death dots

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Author:	HurtDeepDown
ASL Info:	24/F/OHIO
Elite Ratio:	4.2 - 165/161/42
Words:	82

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	801
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	597

Description:
Gosh...this is so old. I don't even know what I was thinking...

Death

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Death just seems to follow me,
distrupting my beliefs,
tearing apart the dreams I have,
leaving me to grieve.
Illusion what I'd hope to be,
transform each time they're near,
stepping aside just out of reach,
then simpy disappear.
The past and present overlaps,
with interchanging light,
nothing else around exist,
can't tell what's true from lies.
I see why some would give up hope,
or why some loose their faith,
why would one attempt to try,
when nothing goes their way?

Submitted on 2006-01-10 22:14:48 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  first of all, i'm from ohio...what part are you from?

and you have super-cool hair.

lol.

anyway, i guess i should say something about the poem now. :)

i really liked it. it's depressing and that is what i mostly write and enjoy reading.

the wording and structure were both pretty simplistic, but effective for this kind of piece.

well done. keep writing. :)

p.s. ohio chicks rule!
| Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by caster | [ Reply to This ]
  i get the feeling off suicide here i've resently been haveing huge sucess with poems like that idk why i'm writing them but i don't feel like actually doing the action, anyway i see that death bothers you in away especially suicide. the poem expresses that clearly but i hope to see others like this.

brandon
| Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by disturbedx1000 | [ Reply to This ]
  gotta tell ya its str8 to tha point i like that all and all great poem explains how things really r in life . And also explains how you truly feel great read my Fave stanza was

Death just seems to follow me,
distrupting my beliefs,
tearing apart the dreams I have,
leaving me to grieve.
Illusion what I'd hope to be,
Good read keep writing
By tha way I'm No Talent check out some of my work sometime kinda been away from the writing scene for a while
| Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by No Talent | [ Reply to This ]
  The death of hopes and dreams can indeed be shattering thing ,I feel you did you a excellent job on that subject in this write,course I could be wrong as to what you where saying but then thats my take on it ,keep up the good writes
adnil
| Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]

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9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.