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    dots Submission Name: Bump in th NIghtdots

    Author: unnatainable
    ASL Info:    20/F/Australia
    Elite Ratio:    3.07 - 48/42/23
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Childrens
    Total Views: 1316
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 750


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    dotsBump in th NIghtdots


    hush my child that sound you hear
    is monsters lurking feeding fear
    of darkened corner and shadowed hall
    with devils knock and demons call

    when light has left with sun gone down
    no birds, no crickets, not a sound
    all tucked in your little bed
    the darkness playtime with your head

    monsters crawl and monsters come
    until the daylight has undone
    bumping, scratching, crawling, sneaking,
    up the stairs you hear them creaking

    feeding on terror, feeds on cries
    working hard under velvet sky
    cursed are the demons under your bed
    damned are the monsters in your head

    Submitted on 2006-01-11 00:20:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Loved the word choice, it brought all the atmosphere you could want right at the beginning. i was hooked and wide-eyed with a sense of foreboding from the first line.
    Great piece.
    | Posted on 2007-09-27 00:00:00 | by MC white | [ Reply to This ]
      the voice in my head was whispering, speeding up, slowing down.... im breathless... i think i held my breath!!!
    | Posted on 2007-07-10 00:00:00 | by iscreamicry | [ Reply to This ]
      While i read this i could almost imagine a dark brooding bassline with a slow steady percussion to back it up with the words being whispered in a songlike manner. I definitely enjoyed this piece very much and actually would love to put it to music sometime. anyway thanks for sharing, and a very good job!

    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by lynxstarfire | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a pretty good poem for it being for children. I don't think I would read it to children persei though because there are so many hidden thoughts and feelings, they probabley wouldn't understand. Your ryhming was a bit off on the last line of the last of the 3rd and 5th stanza. Keep it up!
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow very powerful poem. It really reminds me of metallica's enter sandman.
    Pretty cool poem.
    Keep up the good work..

    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, that was a really different poem, I didn't expect that sort of writing from reading the title, but the poem was really good, it had some really good imagery, and describes feelings that most children feel when they're scared of the dark, or have nightmares and that sort of thing. And the ending, it really drove it home. I felt this was a quite powerful piece, well done.
    Regards, Kalinda
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by Kalinda | [ Reply to This ]

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