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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Hate Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Flamequill
    ASL Info:    17/Male/Sparta Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 77/97/35
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/I hate you
    Total Views: 1182
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 901



    Description:
       Eh...like all my crap poetry dedicated to Mr.Mentor aka Randy Allen(spelling?) Bowen.......

    Wrote this god knows when some time in October 2005. It's still how I feel even though it's been months. I know it's hard for you to understand, but....*shrug*I guess I just needed an idol at the time, whereas now I just need a role model. I know the flow is off and that it has no rythym but tell me what you think

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    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Hate Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I hate you
    I can't stand you
    I abhor you
    why do you persist?

    You don't understand
    Why do you insist?

    You talk to me
    You smile at me
    and all I do is
    CRY

    I mask It
    I hide It
    It kills me
    It eats me

    Useless
    Nothing
    Worthless
    Bastard

    You bring It with you
    in the air and aura
    I fear you hate me
    and I hate you

    Those cold blue eyes
    bring me to tears
    crying my blood
    no matter my years

    I hate you
    I hate you
    why do you come?

    Because I love you!
    I need you!
    I WANT MY BIG BROTHER!

    I hate this
    I can't stand this
    I want to be you
    won't you help me
    I need you too....




    Submitted on 2006-01-11 10:03:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked it.I can almost touch the emotion.Ive seen this side of the page before.like the ideas and how you formatted them.
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by nosferotu_gurl | [ Reply to This ]
      hi, i did read some of your poems, but i like torment of love in this one. tom
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this poem and flow was great and not off as you think some poeple may say it but some poeple don't and i think it's perfect the way it is don't change anything and don't lose it treasure the way you wrote it it could carry you far and i am going to add to my faves because i can relate to this poem it touched me because of my back round i grew up in a single parent home with three brothers and no sisters and there is a time when someone needs a role model in there life but sometimes it can't be helpped don't lose that and keep it up because the more you write the better it gets
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by EV2884 | [ Reply to This ]
      It trails from one thing to another - the thought process! that part is pretty cool but the rest is just repetition..

    You use these words way too many times in it::
    I, You, and It.

    Maybe if you fixed it up ALOT it MAY have potential.
    No offense. Im just here to guide.
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem touches me on several levels. for one i remember how i felt when the one role-model i had betrayed my trust. I wanted to rip his throat out. Regardless of the lack of fluidity i feel this piece deserves to be seen by everyone who has ever violated the trust and love of one who looks up to them. It very intensely conveys the message that it is NOT right and NOT ok to do that sort of thing. it reminds me of the part in benny and joon where johnny depp (playing the character sam) looks at (the guy who played benny) and says "I used to look up to you, now i can't even look at you" thank you for sharing this piece and although it could use a little bit of minute fine tuning i feel it is a very well-written piece. not all poetry rhymes or flows steadily, some of the best poems i've read were choppy, broken and scattered, simply because that was the best method of portraying the desired effect. I enjoyed this piece very much from a personal view.

    Meow!
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by lynxstarfire | [ Reply to This ]
      Theres alot of emotion in this piece. The poem is really strong and you can really see how much you need your brother. I agree with alcoholcause though it has the potential to be better.
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by Autum-Moon | [ Reply to This ]
      ... I really don't know what to say. The emotion in this poem is really strong. Did you write this about just your brother or somebody else to. It was good, though just like the other I would revise to make it better because this poem really has potential.
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]


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