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    dots Submission Name: Knifedots

    Author: Flamequill
    ASL Info:    17/Male/Sparta Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 77/97/35
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1069
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 776

       I like this one, especially while I'm angry. It reminds me of how much I like venting through poetry. Hope you enjoy, I need help on the rhyme scheme and the rhythym.

    Thanks a ton guys

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I want to die
    I want an end
    Why do I live?
    Why do I try?

    I see my life
    I see the strife
    I hate it
    I cry for it

    I see the knife
    it smiles at me
    I see my blood
    gushing out

    I smile back
    and take it up
    I scratch myself
    courage I lack

    I cry my childish tears
    and look away
    too scared to die
    too scared to live]

    Ge comes on in
    and smiles at me
    He take the knife
    and breaks its sin

    She holds me tight
    a sister of light
    I cry to her
    my life of fright

    I see the knife
    What do I do?
    I end this pain
    and life renew

    Submitted on 2006-01-11 10:08:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      this was good a very enjoyable read easy to understand and had a good meaning ti the thought process
    great write
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      That was funny @ the end - I think the flow was a bit off - I believe with the way you have it formatted with the small lines they need to be more impactful - don't worry so much about the rhyme just make each line count - so it's not so disjointed.
    Good & we just keep on...Love,Peace,Joy&Smiles 2 share
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem, not so much orginal and I have to agree with sweetme that the last lines don't fit the poem and ruin the flow. I like it though good work.
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by Autum-Moon | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked the peom but the last two lines just ruin the flow. THey don't really fit into the peom. jsut a thought.
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by sweetme16 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this poem up until it said you were going to eat a steak with your knife. I would fix the ryhming and maybe the words a little to, but it was still good. Great job, revise and then send this my way!
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
      I honestly enjoyed that. & Maybe I shouldn't enjoy it because its about cutting and stuff. But I enjoyed the detail of it. But once again something I could relate too.. Even though I don't like admiting to that.. Bla... I enjoy it a lot. Just.. I just hope its not true.
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by AmazingForever | [ Reply to This ]

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