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Author: Flamequill
ASL Info:    17/Male/Sparta Michigan
Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 77 /97 /35
Words: 128
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 1111
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 776


I like this one, especially while I'm angry. It reminds me of how much I like venting through poetry. Hope you enjoy, I need help on the rhyme scheme and the rhythym.

Thanks a ton guys


I want to die
I want an end
Why do I live?
Why do I try?

I see my life
I see the strife
I hate it
I cry for it

I see the knife
it smiles at me
I see my blood
gushing out

I smile back
and take it up
I scratch myself
courage I lack

I cry my childish tears
and look away
too scared to die
too scared to live]

Ge comes on in
and smiles at me
He take the knife
and breaks its sin

She holds me tight
a sister of light
I cry to her
my life of fright

I see the knife
What do I do?
I end this pain
and life renew

Submitted on 2006-01-11 10:08:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  this was good a very enjoyable read easy to understand and had a good meaning ti the thought process
great write
| Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
  That was funny @ the end - I think the flow was a bit off - I believe with the way you have it formatted with the small lines they need to be more impactful - don't worry so much about the rhyme just make each line count - so it's not so disjointed.
Good & we just keep on...Love,Peace,Joy&Smiles 2 share
| Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this poem, not so much orginal and I have to agree with sweetme that the last lines don't fit the poem and ruin the flow. I like it though good work.
| Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by Autum-Moon | [ Reply to This ]
  i liked the peom but the last two lines just ruin the flow. THey don't really fit into the peom. jsut a thought.
| Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by sweetme16 | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked this poem up until it said you were going to eat a steak with your knife. I would fix the ryhming and maybe the words a little to, but it was still good. Great job, revise and then send this my way!
| Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
  I honestly enjoyed that. & Maybe I shouldn't enjoy it because its about cutting and stuff. But I enjoyed the detail of it. But once again something I could relate too.. Even though I don't like admiting to that.. Bla... I enjoy it a lot. Just.. I just hope its not true.
| Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by AmazingForever | [ Reply to This ]

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