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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Euphoric....dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: alcoholcaust
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 281/169/15
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1140
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 712



    Description:
       Comments??


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEuphoric....dots
    -------------------------------------------


    As this acid pumps through my veins
    The hallucination stays the same
    Ambient music running through my mind
    A dillusion coming from behind

    The euphoria worst than before
    Trancing the mind an oblivious sore
    The lights, the colors vivid in my head
    Disfiguring this white to a crimson red

    Images of razors cross my mind
    A pleasure that used to calm me fine
    Hating this feeling wanting to be placid
    Off I go to take my next hit of acid

    Dancing, raving, wanting much more
    I take another hit, more than before
    The illusions spinning the colors are gone
    I am lost, scared, this memories fond




    Submitted on 2006-01-11 16:02:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Your main problem in life is drugs. Never ever do them again. They tear a piece of your soul apart untill eventually you become nothing. It is strange how people will use substance to escape reality and it is the substance that ruins us. Stay away from all the people you use with as well. Believe it or not there are kids who do not take drugs, find them.
    | Posted on 2006-08-06 00:00:00 | by manicsmuse | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm acid, do you really do it? Or is it just a poem? WEll, anyways, i don't do any kind of drugs. Not the type but oh well. You are cute in the picture. Look somewhat familair. Anyways, this was a wanderful poem. I loved the rhyme scheme.


    Jessica
    | Posted on 2006-05-14 00:00:00 | by jslbabygirl101 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was indeed an interesting, original and good poem. No wonder you are proud of it. I must congratulate you for you really show what you are capable of at your young age in terms of poetic skill, and I am sure you will develop this talent of yours with time.

    The structure is a bit simplistic, but that is good, since it does not deviate from the set pattern you have established, and it keeps the reader's attention focused on diction and imagery rather than on structure.

    The images are nicely worded, and your wording is equally good. Excellent! This is not my type of poetry but I can see your dediication in this one. Good!
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by HansRik | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this one alot. I think it shows emotion and i like how it shows how far you would go to escape the pain.
    ~Samm
    | Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by LoveToHateMe | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really deep
    I too have lived the life of an addict
    In my case it was 5 years of hell on crystal Meth
    Although
    The visions and paranoi displayed on acid is very simaler to those meth creates
    There is no where to go but down on drugs
    They create an imaginary world that is impossible to stay at
    I hope and pray you find the peace you are looking for
    The secret is to remain Positive
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      cool. very good writing and stuff. i liked it a lot. there is not much to say. so . . . that's about it. good stuff. this thing won't let me go. i have to type more. did i say i liked it a lot? yeah. i liked it a lot.
    | Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      The euphoria worst that before
    Trancing the mind an oblivious sore
    The lights, the colors vivid in my head
    Disfiguring these quaint to a crimson red

    That stanza didn't make sense to me. And I think you meant "than" instead of "that." Good luck, and keep writing.

    CAH
    | Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by bloody_carebear | [ Reply to This ]
      in most of your poetry i notice a pattern. you shove in overused rhymes to make it sounds rhythmic, but in the end you sacrifice quality to flow, and rhythm and rhyme. it sounds ok, but it doesnt make me think or feel or or see. stop trying so hard, and just let it be real.
    | Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      Very cool poem. Definitly trippy:) I really liked it, cept, watch your typing. Read through it and you'll see what I mean, some words are typed as new words. Awesome job though:) You're better then I was at 14. Check out my stuff sometime, I value the opinions of great writers:)
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by Glassy Eyed | [ Reply to This ]
      OOH i liked this one alot! such detail! wow you got alot from techno! really good poem. :) keep this up. i enjoy reading them.

    Ashley
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by star_on_fire22 | [ Reply to This ]
      one of my favoriutes for sure...
    it remembered me some betales and john lennon`s songs .. as Lucy in the sky with diamond or just fxing a hole . it was really good then .. great imagery
    i hopw you can keep writing as good as now..
    cheack my writings .. and peace and love 1
    victor!
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, I really liked the imagery. Just repeating the word 'euphoria' is a little like a melodic hook...to me, anyway. I hope this isn't based on real life experience...but Kudos. Good poem.
    -Mel
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ]
      This seemed really well written. I can definitly relate to ppl raving and shyt wanting more, and when it's over it DOES seem really effed up. Excellent write...adding to fav's.
    | Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by MC-Chillz | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the poem and the feeling but there where some things that bugged me; is form in the last line of the first stanza supose to be from casue if not it dont make much sense, and that in the first line of the second stanza would sound better as than.
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by Alura | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this. i think veins and same rhyme pretty well. but being a rapper and all, my opinion on rhyming is a bit different from the rest of elite. u kept putting "that" when i think umeant "than". lines 5 and 14. good write and if i didn't already tell u, welcome to elite
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      That was very interesting. I did like it alot. Though there were some awkwardies to i, it still couldn't be changed. Good job.
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by sinister_always | [ Reply to This ]
      This is wonderful. Sad to hear that this is part of yoru life. I have never done drugs before so i can't really relate to this. My father was an abusive drug taker hence why I never do them myself. I really liked the imagery and the use of rhyme and wondering. The flow was awesome. Truely wonderful. Good job.
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by Autum-Moon | [ Reply to This ]
      Veins and same dont rhyme that well, and I think it messes up the flow

    I would also say that you could edit this line - -
    "The euphoria worst that before
    Trancing the mind an oblivious sore"
    to
    "The euphoria, much worst that before
    Trancing the mind, an oblivious sore"
    that way the syllables match :)

    "Images of knives, and razors cross my mind
    A pleasure that used to calm me fine"

    the second line is awkward...

    Hating this feeling wanting to be placid
    Off I go to take my next hit of acid

    and the first is awkward in that...

    No offense. This is a GOOD poem, but.. It could be worked on...

    And Im not sure what you were trying to convey??

    .Amber.
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm in a bashing and I can't bash this...It's too damn good. The flow is great and the consonance follows it. Your internal rythym...awesome...unlike my friend PoeticSoul666 I think this poem is great.

    Paco the Poet of Arson
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by Flamequill | [ Reply to This ]
      This was an interesting write - like how euphoria is worse than before - like it's euphoric but not real perhaps?
    I believe you meant "A dillusion coming form (from) behind".
    And also how you mention the cutting - which used to be euphoric also...interesting & insightful. Don't do drugs - Stay in School...
    Love,Peace,Joy&Smiles 2 share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Your poem is a lot like a play. It tells you the lines and the stage directions. I think i said it before, but if i didn't, i'll tell you anyway, i think you should try free verse, as much energy and emotion you put in your poems, you would write a good ass poem(excuse my language). But that was still an excellent poem.

    ~*~katara~*~
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]
      Your poem is a lot like a play. It tells you the lines and the stage directions. I think i said it before, but if i didn't, i'll tell you anyway, i think you should try free verse, as much energy and emotion you put in your poems, you would write a good ass poem(excuse my language). But that was still an excellent poem.

    ~*~katara~*~
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent poem, you used a good symbol "Acid" it is very complicated symbol but it is great. Putting your self in such poem reveal high emotion. Using words like (hallucination, raving, illusions ...) is great, strong and very effective. "Razors cross my mind" was also a very good metaphor. At last it is a very good piece.
    Medhat
    | Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by Duke Medhat | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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