Apart from the typos (which does interrupt the read) it is an okay write. In reply to the question of lust or love, the answer that comes to mind is neither – why? You fail to be present in either as you are together with the other! When you write the lines including “touch, taste, smell, mind body” it shows that not all your senses is present. The negation of some senses to others creates a feeling of “not really being there”. You might rewrite it like Cohen sings your body, mind and clothes or trying to incorporate the last two senses in the first stanza in some other way. Should it be intentional that you have left out some of the senses the solution to your “problem” is in the telling of the story itself (this should be understood as the way we tell our story to create ourselves, in the view of ourselv and others – as having a relation to our relation, and this double relation is our creation of a self)
I like this write. You have two mispelled words though buddy. Relise should be release. Tuch should be touch but that could be a typing error. Other than those two words this is great!
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON! why do i cry because i cant have you cant love you cant feel you cant have you in me
I feel the same way right now about someone but the only difference is I can't be up in them. The emotion displayed is wonderful. It is as if the keyboard and computer is your friend and you are talking to them instead of typing. When I read this, I feel I am a your bestfriend and you are confiding in me for help. That is just how deep and emotionally felt this piece is. Again Sorenity, GREAT WRITE!
this is a good write. i like this poem because it is really full of emotion. i can also relate to this piece because i too once felt this way about someone. and trust me, the feeling doesnt go away until you see who the person really is..deep down inside. all in all it is great.