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    dots Submission Name: rambleings of a girldots

    Author: sweet sorenity
    ASL Info:    24/f/ Ga
    Elite Ratio:    3.11 - 211/221/58
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 796
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 704


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsrambleings of a girldots

    the street light shines down on your face
    your eyes glisten as the rain pounds on to your body
    and i relise at this point that i feen for you
    your tuch
    your taste
    your smell
    your mind
    your body

    how can i love you
    when i barely know you
    i cant get you off my mind
    till i finally conqure you

    is this lust?
    it must be
    it cant be love
    can it

    WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    why do i cry because i cant have you
    cant love you
    cant feel you
    cant have you in me

    their must be a solution
    plz god just help

    Submitted on 2006-01-11 18:35:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very good with strong use of imagery and emotion. It's really good and I didn't notice the typos much...well i noticed them but it didn't bother me overly much, I knew what you meant.
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by irvine_valentin | [ Reply to This ]
      Apart from the typos (which does interrupt the read) it is an okay write. In reply to the question of lust or love, the answer that comes to mind is neither – why? You fail to be present in either as you are together with the other! When you write the lines including “touch, taste, smell, mind body” it shows that not all your senses is present. The negation of some senses to others creates a feeling of “not really being there”.
    You might rewrite it like Cohen sings your body, mind and clothes or trying to incorporate the last two senses in the first stanza in some other way. Should it be intentional that you have left out some of the senses the solution to your “problem” is in the telling of the story itself (this should be understood as the way we tell our story to create ourselves, in the view of ourselv and others – as having a relation to our relation, and this double relation is our creation of a self)
    | Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by tZar | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this write. You have two mispelled words though buddy. Relise should be release. Tuch should be touch but that could be a typing error. Other than those two words this is great!

    why do i cry because i cant have you
    cant love you
    cant feel you
    cant have you in me

    I feel the same way right now about someone but the only difference is I can't be up in them. The emotion displayed is wonderful. It is as if the keyboard and computer is your friend and you are talking to them instead of typing. When I read this, I feel I am a your bestfriend and you are confiding in me for help. That is just how deep and emotionally felt this piece is.
    Again Sorenity, GREAT WRITE!
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by B-Gentle | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a good write. i like this poem because it is really full of emotion. i can also relate to this piece because i too once felt this way about someone. and trust me, the feeling doesnt go away until you see who the person really is..deep down inside. all in all it is great.
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by kession | [ Reply to This ]

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