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    dots Submission Name: dark fallen onedots

    Author: EV2884
    ASL Info:    21years/female/michigan
    Elite Ratio:    2.88 - 53/48/15
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 864
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 609

       just wanting to know if this poem is good or not

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsdark fallen onedots

    i step forward
    onto the ledge
    and i take the leap.
    as i fall,i feel at peace
    with my demons
    with this life.
    as i near my destination
    i feel warm arms wrap
    around me gentlely caring
    me back to earth
    as i look up the stranger
    just smiled and
    said i caught you,it's
    not your time.
    when we met eye to eye his
    eye tells all i push him away but
    he kept his arms around me
    i know in my heart that he's my
    dark fallen one.and
    he wont let anything happen
    to me.

    Submitted on 2006-01-11 19:57:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I love it. I could almost hear a voice reading this to me, telling it to me. It was beautiful and I enjoyed every single bit of it. And, in turht, I couldn't find anything wrong with it. Good job.
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this poem cuz it sounded like an "i hate my life" type of poem and then in the end it shows that this guy that caught you is like ur guardian angel! lovin it! keep it up!
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by eMo_AnGeL | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm liking this, its dark and its profopund, and as much as i hate being a sheep and saying the same things as everybody else, it does have the potential to be better, but i LOVED hte lines
    "i feel at peace
    with my demons
    with this life"
    keep on chugging! X
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by bambi144 | [ Reply to This ]
      The poem could be better. I liked it but didnt like it. The transition from a sad beginning to that you are safely guarded at the end is a good transition, but it could have been better.
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by Evil Jesture | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree withthe others, it's got potential to be better, i know you have it in you. i read your other work. thanks for sharing and keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by Cannablisjunkie | [ Reply to This ]
      Honestly, I didn't like this poem at all because I know regardless of who you are this could be much better. Some of the rythmem was off at times, some parts were a little redundant but I still would like to see it redone. Good effort though.
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
      I quite like this poem, it starts off seeming like it's just a normal life sucks sort of poem, but then it ends in a way that makes it all feel better. I like the imagery, you may need to look over some parts when it comes to spelling, eg: gentely should by gently. But that happens to everyone so don't worry. Well done, a good read
    Regards, Kalinda
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by Kalinda | [ Reply to This ]
      oooooo... very nice. sounds like a gaurdian angle to me! it reads pretty smooth and deserves a 10/10!

    congrats! you earned a brownie point!
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by sword stalker | [ Reply to This ]

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