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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Sermon wasdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: YoungWerther
    ASL Info:    20/M/ Los Locos
    Elite Ratio:    4.14 - 69/92/65
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 218
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 877



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Sermon wasdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Sermon was Monotonous During Easter day

    And his scorching rattle of salubrious words
    Vibrate incoherently into my bored ears,
    And the polished ceilings look like seedy boards,
    Washed and rekindled on past years

    I daydream on most of the chatter,
    Play indolently with my stiff fingers
    And those ladies always seem to flatter;
    The choir, the poor darling singers

    So I’m told Easter day is sacred and benign,
    Te Deums fill the atmosphere with tedium,
    Children are fussy annoyance is always mine,
    Sacred leaflet of obscene boredom

    Among this amazing pluralism
    Cogito ergo sum is nullified,
    A severe cut on individualism
    With fits of anger, my ennui is intensified;
    The Sermon was Monotonous During Easter day.





    Submitted on 2006-01-11 22:46:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The inherant beauty of Poetry in that is speaks to the reader, but what good is it if no one understands the words you have chosen. Large and uncommonly used words do not elevate a simple work, they complicate it with confusion. That confusion causes the reader to quit long before they finish. If you were writing to a specific person, this may be fine, but when an audience is unknown it is a bad choice of style.
    I read into this that perhaps you went to Church with the wrong attitude for worshiping!
    It is not what they tell us thats inportant its what we look for and take away from a service. One is to go to worship, not be entertained with salubrious words ?
    Your message is you got nothing!
    My message is what did you take in with you?
    But you would not be the first one to be bored at Church services, sadly you will not be the last.
    Later
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      "Children are fussy annoyance is always mine,"
    I think this line is missing some punctuation some where. Maybe after fussy? As it sits it's a run on sentence or incomplete thought and is a bit confusing to the reader. There's nothing inherently wrong in ambiguity, but the rest of the poem is not ambiguous so the one line sticks out as a mistake.
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]
      I hope you find a good church next time then! I like what you where trying to do in fact i think i was just doing the same thing ( saying something simple with way to many big words LOL i think that this poem is expressing a one sentence idea but strected it as far as it could. Am i right?
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by Atrip187 | [ Reply to This ]
      What's with all these churchie B*stards? I know you and see into your mind better than they can. And I say you have a unique style that is all your own. These lamens are thrown by your archaic word usage but I am thrilled by it. You make me think and unlike most, I love that. Please write me a Shakespearean sonnet. If you even remember me? Darling boy, it has been ages!
    | Posted on 2006-10-04 00:00:00 | by dawnschild | [ Reply to This ]



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