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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Transcendent Tendenciesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: heartlessname
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 48/58/14
    Words: 293
    Class/Type: Prose/Dark
    Total Views: 1070
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 1828



    Description:
       Don't be alarmed, I mean, it's an honest piece written in a bad mood. I'm not sure how I feel about it. [REVISED] (Formerly "Dark Untilted")


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTranscendent Tendenciesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    2 dimensional salvation
    found in a razorblade
    my silver deliverance.
    With deeper cuts, and more reason
    I walk in diverse fields,
    far from the city of the weak.
    Gaping lips on my wrist
    speak of the resolution
    to all my problems.

    Faded scars,
    like braille,
    spell out my misery
    and suffering.
    Linear marks etched in my flesh
    until decay and rot strike
    my fading canvas like
    an unnatural solvent.

    It's waiting to be found
    like a long lost tale of hurt
    enscribed on the walls
    in the house of man.
    It hangs in secrecy
    beneath my clothes.

    Imperfect incisions
    reflecting your thoughts
    and opinions of my former self
    line my surface in a repulsing array
    of pale tiger patterns.

    Evolution through laceration.
    Skin slit like a cheap fabric,
    releasing a river of life
    on the banks of my forearm;
    washing sin and shame
    through fleshy deltas.

    The depression equation
    in emotional mathematics:
    a division of veins
    by a sharp edge occurs;
    ecstacy felt as the crimson quotient
    is discovered.

    Aroused by the unending virginity in the act,
    the sting ever present
    as the mutilated satisfaction takes place.
    My shirt hides more than my body,
    but also the full extent of my descent
    and a capacity of evil within me like a well.
    And how I thirst.

    When the blood dries
    and the wounds heal,
    you're left with white eyes
    and pale elipses on your body
    to stare at the world you hate so much.




    Submitted on 2006-01-12 03:31:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It's sad the way a person is defeated in such a way, that the person is forced to look for escape. A well written poem, flows nicely, and gave me the shivers. Well done

    UmaSoph
    | Posted on 2006-06-01 00:00:00 | by Soph | [ Reply to This ]
      i thought this was very strong.. and i love how, its a common topic, but ur words, and decription, made it ur own way, thx if read mine, ellie
    | Posted on 2006-05-29 00:00:00 | by SkullMyHeart | [ Reply to This ]
      hey hun...

    im like again in awe of your work...holy [censored] i mean excuse my language but damn this one i love i was trying to find the lines that stood out more but damn they all are brilliantly placed and just how you wrote with the damn images and just your whole damn point i love how the ending left more to be wanted yet a finallity few people have accese to use in there poems. not many ppl end their poems as brilliantly as you geesh im like so im damn awe here....

    all the love
    nikki

    *kisses*
    | Posted on 2006-08-25 00:00:00 | by nikita2u | [ Reply to This ]
      I've probably told you this before but you are one of my favorite writers on here, dark as with most of yours but you're amazing with it, don't ever change that! your imagry was perfect, and I've never read a cutting one that made me remember so clearly when I used to cut, I've been good with not cutting for a few weeks but the whole "once a cutter, always a cutter" is still there....for now. I disagree with draco tho, people "like this" deserve more respect then people who blatently go on living and ignoring their own problems and everyone else's by smiling and believing tomorrow will be better, instead of trying to fix TODAY. This was so perfect, and not just as a cutter but in general I can really relate to this one. You had so many relative but silghtly different thoughts together but you managed to all bring them together wonderfully. as with many of your writes I wouldn't change a single thing. keep writing, I'll be waiting for the next one.
    peace,
    ~jess
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm, well I must say I may not be able to comprehend a lot of them because I am not that type of person. I have a hard time understanding a lot of things though. Over all i think this was a good poem needs more work though.



    Jessica
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by jslbabygirl101 | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece is very well done and obviously has deep thought put into it. I felt like this was you describing the feeling you get when you perform such actions, but I do not know if this is in fact based around you or not, so I cannot really say much in that aspect. I must be honest, I'm not really one for such depressing pieces, and I don't hold such people in "high regard", but i suppose I can see where you are coming from.

    You used great wording and good imagry to really show the effects your actions have on you. You don't seem like the rhyming sort, and that possibly makes this piece better because you focused on the meaning rather than the format, which really helped.

    Keep it up.
    SB7
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by SnakeBite7 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...This left me speechless..and thats hard to do..I guess I read it at the right time in my life..damn..this was awsome!!!!!!!

    "When the blood dries and the wounds heal you're left with white eyes and pale elipses on your body to stare at the world
    you hate so much. "

    ...I loved these lines to death..Its just so easy to relate to..Sometimes I think i'm only still living to make myself suffer..or something like that..Because if I truly wanted to rid myself of this earth I would have done it by now..and I don't think its the earth I hate, I think its the people that take it over and destroy it, making my like impossible..Its people's nature to hurt and bring pain..I really did love this piece, just beautiful..and I'm guessing you cut, right?..Its the worst addiction, but I do it as well..It sucks that I would rather hurt myself and no one else..This poem was flawless, Keep up the great work!, and Take Care!

    Lucy^_^

    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      ok let us see what I can do with this....
    resolution too all problems seems to be the invitation of death to the flesh....

    Faded scars like braille spell out my misery and suffering....Man dude..What happend to ya?

    I think we are all waiting to be found.We all have the cliché wish of being picked up and saved from the pain that lives within us all.

    It hangs in secrecy beneth my clothes. Imperfect incicions...??? you a cutter?
    defowling the temple which hosts your soul.....


    Evolution through laceration? I would say the phantasy of it all. Seeming to wash away the great sins and troubles...However is this a trick? When the trill of the bleed is over what is left?


    The pain is what is hidden.....The depth of the dissapointment in life shrouds many of fellow human....

    What better way to reveal the emotions. I am not loving the life that has been given...The life I never asked for. So cheers to those who travel through this maze and find a kindred spirit. All love company. Misery and joy. Welcome to my mind and pain...Sort it out for yourself....



    This is a different write I must say.
    You have Great power between your finger and the pen.
    I can feel various levels of mistrust pain and suffering.
    I can see the release of so much pinned up anger.
    What better way to expose it.
    I've got my eye on you......
    Keep lovin and livin life
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by smalltown | [ Reply to This ]
      I think I've read poetry on this specific topic over a million times.

    I'm not too sure what to say about this one. Maybe it's just my mood that affects the way I read this. I see it as very depressing.

    None the less, it's very well written. Very descriptive, much like a sad story.

    Weird, I don't really know how to react. Ha, caught me off guard.
    | Posted on 2006-06-07 00:00:00 | by Jordyn | [ Reply to This ]
      Dark and a half. But well written.

    2 dimensional salvation
    found in a razor blade
    my silver deliverance


    Cutting is like a quick-fix. It doesn't fix your problems, it blinds you from the big picture. Whereas the blade saves you now, then:

    Faded scars,
    like braille,
    spell out my misery
    and suffering


    And you're left with the aftermath.
    I like the wording, string but not so dramatic you sound like a poser.

    Good write.

    avril54~slef~!
    alter-ego ^
    | Posted on 2006-05-07 00:00:00 | by Avril54 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I have read a lot about people cutting their wrists, including my own poems from a long time ago, and they were always just "slit my wrists" or "watch the blood."

    you put so much power into this, so much imagery and guided the imagination into a story that sucks the reader deep inside your own.

    I honestly think you did a good thing by making this your featured, im telling you, i read this one last of all yours, but it was definetly one of the best. PLEASE keep writing, Im in love!

    ---
    Carry
    ---
    | Posted on 2006-05-05 00:00:00 | by herownadversary | [ Reply to This ]
      I know how you feel. I have chronic depression and that poem really struck home. It also gave me a weird dark feeling inside. Actually, it really made me want to write some more. So, I think I will go write.
    | Posted on 2006-06-05 00:00:00 | by Bleeding_AngelX | [ Reply to This ]
      I rather liked this piece, the description and the imagination. The imagery here is executed so well, and works so greatly in your favour. I see what you mean by using words more powerful than 'anger and emotion' (And as much as I do that sometimes, I feel that the base word is always good to use as well) it makes it so sophisticated and has two layers... What you read on the surface, then what you read when you dig down deeper.

    There were a lot of lines I really enjoyed reading in this poem... but I think my favorite had to be:

    "When the blood dries and the wounds heal you're left with white eyes and pale elipses on your body to stare at the world
    you hate so much."

    It's such a great view... it must take someone with great imagination and sophistication to be able to word it the way you did. To even be able to see it the way you did, just leaves an impact.

    I also liked your use of literary devices such as alliteration, metaphors and similies. You're great when it comes to expanding and working with things such as this.

    As much as I love this poem, and everything you've done with it... I've found one error. And it's not really an error it just makes your overall structure look a little better. The first word, of the first stanza should/could be 'two' instead of '2' and I'm not sure whether you agree with my views or not, it's only my opinion.

    Thanks for sharing your work with me, and commenting on my poem ^_^ Although, never feel as if you owe me anything! Beacuse you definitely don't. I love you <3


    [Also, the great thing about poetry 'Draco-Joe' is the fact that you can write about things in a manner such as this without ever having to do them. And as much as your view may be correct, even if a person has done something such as this there is a lesson to be learned and your judgement is not greatly appreciated. Because no matter how much you scorn them, and no matter how much you tell them they're wrong for doing such an act, it won't change them... they have to change them.]
    | Posted on 2006-05-05 00:00:00 | by Rask | [ Reply to This ]
      This work is well written, obviously the person has a deep passion for cutting, and has good reason for it. keep up the great work... I am becoming a great fan of your work.

    R.Bayden
    | Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by remedy bayden | [ Reply to This ]
      its a great piece of work. Boldly descriptive and complexly delivers such a basic message. I dont really hold people like this in very high respect, but it was very good either way.
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by draco-joe | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow is all I can say. You put so much emotion and power into this, it's really visible, especially by the way the words were arranged. It was bold and good, I think I'll leave it at that.
    | Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by Foreseer | [ Reply to This ]
      This was cool. I have to say, not very original in the idea of the poem, but then again you were probably just venting and not keying in on originality.

    However, the eloquency(sp?) of this piece, the intellectual way you presented your feelings and the facts of how things were was amazing. Theres a lot of pain and suffering in this piece, a lot more hidden levels then most of the suicide pieces I've read.


    This was pretty cool,

    Lia
    | Posted on 2006-06-05 00:00:00 | by Glassy Eyed | [ Reply to This ]
      The flow is so well patterened that I got lost in its flawlessness. I never cut but for a second there I felt as if this was my world and that I had. Creepy.
    | Posted on 2006-06-03 00:00:00 | by chained_under | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    3. How did it make you feel?
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    87228

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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