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    dots Submission Name: eye bathdots

    Author: weepingwillow
    ASL Info:    23/f/Brighton
    Elite Ratio:    2.91 - 38/75/35
    Words: 187
    Class/Type: Poetry/Political
    Total Views: 1009
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1343

       something or my creative writing class,i have yet to write something im enormously proud of,but i know i can,im fickle and lazy!!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotseye bathdots

    Brighton is consistent mist

    but suddenly comes afternoon

    trailing quilts of sunshine bliss

    open the downs;

    discard the doom

    If I, with oil could paint those fields

    gold and black, noble depth

    yet I spectate

    and carve with thoughts

    these wild free spaces

    spurring, gilded, playground of a thousand races

    Find truth in gazing from up high,

    the solace,splendour set the tone

    the heart of those deep woods instills

    a calming wonder

    of it's own

    I wonder then as light fantastic

    trips it's patterns

    on the plain

    how long dear birds will fly so freely

    angels cramped by grey terrain

    Still I long to be that seagull

    swooping wise,no jealous restraint

    circling keepers of this kingdom


    es(capers) of hate

    This provokes me then

    and hardens my will

    to live in a rough house

    resplendent on a hill

    Submitted on 2006-01-12 09:21:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the oil painting imagry... but i think the line... solace, splendour set the tone, would sound better as... solace, splendour sets the tone.. That's the only critique I can think to mention. I liked all but the last verse, that one kinda took the poem into reality, and I didn't like it. Either way. Peace. -rue
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
      i didnt like this the first time i read it. but then i really did when i thought it through again.

    the line:

    "If I, with oil could paint those fields

    gold and black, noble depth

    yet I spectate

    and carve with thoughts"

    i liked especially. it made me think of myself. how much i have to give and create, yet i set back and keep it to myself because of my own insecurities and self-defeating attitude.

    indeed i am the king of pessimists.

    beautifully written, great wording choices. i like to see a piece that has been written with unsually or scarsely used words.

    keep writing. :)
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by caster | [ Reply to This ]

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