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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: eye bathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: weepingwillow
    ASL Info:    23/f/Brighton
    Elite Ratio:    2.91 - 38/75/35
    Words: 187
    Class/Type: Poetry/Political
    Total Views: 1009
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1343



    Description:
       something or my creative writing class,i have yet to write something im enormously proud of,but i know i can,im fickle and lazy!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotseye bathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Brighton is consistent mist

    but suddenly comes afternoon

    trailing quilts of sunshine bliss

    open the downs;

    discard the doom



    If I, with oil could paint those fields

    gold and black, noble depth

    yet I spectate

    and carve with thoughts

    these wild free spaces

    spurring, gilded, playground of a thousand races



    Find truth in gazing from up high,

    the solace,splendour set the tone

    the heart of those deep woods instills

    a calming wonder

    of it's own



    I wonder then as light fantastic

    trips it's patterns

    on the plain

    how long dear birds will fly so freely

    angels cramped by grey terrain



    Still I long to be that seagull

    swooping wise,no jealous restraint

    circling keepers of this kingdom

    perfect,skybourne

    es(capers) of hate



    This provokes me then

    and hardens my will

    to live in a rough house

    resplendent on a hill




    Submitted on 2006-01-12 09:21:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the oil painting imagry... but i think the line... solace, splendour set the tone, would sound better as... solace, splendour sets the tone.. That's the only critique I can think to mention. I liked all but the last verse, that one kinda took the poem into reality, and I didn't like it. Either way. Peace. -rue
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
      i didnt like this the first time i read it. but then i really did when i thought it through again.

    the line:

    "If I, with oil could paint those fields

    gold and black, noble depth

    yet I spectate

    and carve with thoughts"

    i liked especially. it made me think of myself. how much i have to give and create, yet i set back and keep it to myself because of my own insecurities and self-defeating attitude.

    indeed i am the king of pessimists.

    beautifully written, great wording choices. i like to see a piece that has been written with unsually or scarsely used words.

    keep writing. :)
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by caster | [ Reply to This ]


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