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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Oh I feel the distancedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Transcendancing
    Elite Ratio:    5.13 - 365/214/35
    Words: 247
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 426
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1513



    Description:
       Because I'm without my partner for the next week, and it reminded me of this piece, that I wrote when we had to live in different states for 4 months... Sweet, but sad, and longing.


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    dotsOh I feel the distancedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Oh I feel the distance,
    Tonight,
    And I wish I had your smile
    To bridge its' awful spanse.
    Lo my heart rains tears
    Upon carefully blooming hope,
    My certainty that soon
    These faded eyes will behold you
    Once again
    In all of your dark winged glory.

    Ears that strain each night
    To be lulled
    By the gentled muffled caress
    Of your breathing,
    Barren this mouth, these lips
    That so soon once more
    You will cherish,
    Fingertips search, a constant touch
    Lingering and wonderingly
    Comparing everything
    To the intimate softness of your body.

    Eyes the enchant my soul in rapture,
    Silken lips ;
    Your mane of hair;
    Darkened tone and texture
    Of your skin -
    In the darkness I remember everything.

    Oh I feel the distance
    Tearing through my heart
    Though short the passing time, it ticks
    Away so slowly.
    Closing my eyes,
    I feel your eternal kiss,
    Your promise
    Upon my tearstained cheek,
    And I hear your whispered
    "I love you";
    As I taste your scent on my lips.

    These thoughts on my mind,
    I put to my pen,
    And with these thoughts,
    That so soon together
    We will embrace forever,
    I succumb to sleep
    And it's sweetened oblivion.




    Submitted on 2004-04-27 20:50:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You have really good word choice and a soothing yet melancholy voice going for you. I'm not sure that I like the word "Lo" in this piece though as it seems a bit archane for something that seems to be an intimate conversation.
    Go back and edit out the apostrophe commands. They slip in sometimes depending on your word processor and don't show until you post.
    jan
    | Posted on 2004-04-27 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      They weren't pretty words, but particular to us and our relationship... this poem relates to my portrait of my partner in the poem 'Dark Angel' ie: 'dark winged glory', with the concept of 'we will embrace forever' was more the hope that we share our thoughts, our love and our joy in being together, forever... not some end dated relationship, 70 years hence, I want to still feel this for him, and with him away right now, it brings those kind of thoughts ot the forefront of my mind.
    | Posted on 2004-04-27 00:00:00 | by Transcendancing | [ Reply to This ]
      I could relate to this very much because I'm 4,000 miles away from my boyfriend *sigh*.
    | Posted on 2004-04-28 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      beautiful. I understand the feeling--hate when my husband has to be away. "Barren this mouth" is a great way to put things. Nicely melacholy, but with hope, which is th ebest kind.
    | Posted on 2004-04-29 00:00:00 | by Athalia | [ Reply to This ]



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