Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the true onedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: metal life
    ASL Info:    16 M TX
    Elite Ratio:    0.35 - 0/2/3
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 559
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 645



    Description:
       please tell me how this was and how i can inproove on my work.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe true onedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sadness flowing threw
    my eyes
    this i can not
    deny.
    The love for someone
    i will never have
    because of the
    distants between
    us.
    Maybe this is not ment
    to be,
    god made only one
    special person for
    every buddy.
    I thought that
    I had found that special
    person but I guess
    I was wrong.
    so as i grab my
    fishing pole and get
    ready to head out
    to sea,
    I pray that
    I will catch the right
    one for me
    the one that is
    destined to be with me
    for eternity.




    Submitted on 2006-01-12 11:56:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hmmm need to work on your capitalization and grammer. Not sure if you were going in a certain direction with your incorrect grammer or perhaps trying to portray a certain thought through it but whatever the case it did not come across to me. This was defintely a distraction for me. Besides this I found the poem rather unique considering that it was written on the cliché subject of lost love. I think that with some work the poem could work.
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by Rosh_5 | [ Reply to This ]

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Push written by JanePlane
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Bond written by saartha
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Wavelength written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    New users can only get up to two comments without commenting.