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    dots Submission Name: the true onedots

    Author: metal life
    ASL Info:    16 M TX
    Elite Ratio:    0.35 - 0/2/3
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 547
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 645

       please tell me how this was and how i can inproove on my work.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe true onedots

    Sadness flowing threw
    my eyes
    this i can not
    The love for someone
    i will never have
    because of the
    distants between
    Maybe this is not ment
    to be,
    god made only one
    special person for
    every buddy.
    I thought that
    I had found that special
    person but I guess
    I was wrong.
    so as i grab my
    fishing pole and get
    ready to head out
    to sea,
    I pray that
    I will catch the right
    one for me
    the one that is
    destined to be with me
    for eternity.

    Submitted on 2006-01-12 11:56:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      hmmm need to work on your capitalization and grammer. Not sure if you were going in a certain direction with your incorrect grammer or perhaps trying to portray a certain thought through it but whatever the case it did not come across to me. This was defintely a distraction for me. Besides this I found the poem rather unique considering that it was written on the cliché subject of lost love. I think that with some work the poem could work.
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by Rosh_5 | [ Reply to This ]

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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