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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: slither hitherdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: snacky fish
    ASL Info:    31/male/FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 377/472/111
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 900
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 597



    Description:
       a product of an over active, brooding, lonely, imagination. fire away... thanks and take care.

    oh also its kinda about the sluttyness of scene people. i refuse to partake in all that wonderful sex.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsslither hitherdots
    -------------------------------------------


    summon the serpent
    to devour the virgin
    slow sensual servant
    slither hither

    seedy snake eyes
    coiled among lies
    with the most beautiful bedroom eyes
    slither hither

    kiss with a forked tongue
    bare breast soft and young
    with seduction in your lung
    slither hither

    your constricting caress
    taking away my breath
    in a delightful distress
    slither hither

    slip your fangs deep
    into my skin while i sleep
    venom of sin and deceit
    slither hither




    Submitted on 2006-01-12 12:41:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Oh...I very much enjoyed this...
    I must say I was hooked form the first line'..
    "summon the serpent
    to devour the virgin"
    and normaly I don't dig repetition but it helps instead of hinders with this poem..
    You have inspired me to read some more of your work

    Swanne
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by Swanne | [ Reply to This ]
      summon the serpent...
    seedy snake eyes...
    kiss with a forked toungue...
    your constricting caress...
    slips your fangs deep...

    the whole thing is beautiful but i especially love the way the first line of each stanza seems to indicate a progression in the seducation process...
    i also can't stand the whole "inbreeding scenester" bs...
    btw... i haven't been on in forever and haven't written much lately but look forward to cathching up on the pieces of yours i've missed... you rule!
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by foreverevolt | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this isn't bad at all. I like the creativity you used showing a serpent as sin and deceit. I also like how you included the bedroom stanza because most people sin in their bedrooms. lol. well that is what I think anyways. Good write
    | Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by unforgiving05 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ooo clever. I love it. Your endless creativity never fails to amaze me.
    I love how a lot of the words start with "S." Good thinkin. And the wording is perfect.
    As always dear, Great job

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      i think is really good. i love your choice of words, you create the images and convey your feelings on the topic very well. i also think it's a sign of how good of a writer you are when you can take something that so common and kind of obivious, like the snake being a sign of bad or evil and make it sound so originil. very nice job.
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by art_is_hard | [ Reply to This ]
      Good choice with the repition of S sounds.
    And I like the line "Bedroom eyes"
    And the the extended metaphor of a snake being a temptress.

    <3Linda
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by WellEnough | [ Reply to This ]


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