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    dots Submission Name: slither hitherdots

    Author: snacky fish
    ASL Info:    31/male/FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 377/472/111
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 900
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 597

       a product of an over active, brooding, lonely, imagination. fire away... thanks and take care.

    oh also its kinda about the sluttyness of scene people. i refuse to partake in all that wonderful sex.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsslither hitherdots

    summon the serpent
    to devour the virgin
    slow sensual servant
    slither hither

    seedy snake eyes
    coiled among lies
    with the most beautiful bedroom eyes
    slither hither

    kiss with a forked tongue
    bare breast soft and young
    with seduction in your lung
    slither hither

    your constricting caress
    taking away my breath
    in a delightful distress
    slither hither

    slip your fangs deep
    into my skin while i sleep
    venom of sin and deceit
    slither hither

    Submitted on 2006-01-12 12:41:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Oh...I very much enjoyed this...
    I must say I was hooked form the first line'..
    "summon the serpent
    to devour the virgin"
    and normaly I don't dig repetition but it helps instead of hinders with this poem..
    You have inspired me to read some more of your work

    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by Swanne | [ Reply to This ]
      summon the serpent...
    seedy snake eyes...
    kiss with a forked toungue...
    your constricting caress...
    slips your fangs deep...

    the whole thing is beautiful but i especially love the way the first line of each stanza seems to indicate a progression in the seducation process...
    i also can't stand the whole "inbreeding scenester" bs...
    btw... i haven't been on in forever and haven't written much lately but look forward to cathching up on the pieces of yours i've missed... you rule!
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by foreverevolt | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this isn't bad at all. I like the creativity you used showing a serpent as sin and deceit. I also like how you included the bedroom stanza because most people sin in their bedrooms. lol. well that is what I think anyways. Good write
    | Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by unforgiving05 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ooo clever. I love it. Your endless creativity never fails to amaze me.
    I love how a lot of the words start with "S." Good thinkin. And the wording is perfect.
    As always dear, Great job

    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      i think is really good. i love your choice of words, you create the images and convey your feelings on the topic very well. i also think it's a sign of how good of a writer you are when you can take something that so common and kind of obivious, like the snake being a sign of bad or evil and make it sound so originil. very nice job.
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by art_is_hard | [ Reply to This ]
      Good choice with the repition of S sounds.
    And I like the line "Bedroom eyes"
    And the the extended metaphor of a snake being a temptress.

    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by WellEnough | [ Reply to This ]

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