war child -------------------------------------------
the sky was on fire that night
people went out into the street
grown-ups talking in soft voices
overawed at the diabolic sight
they clustered in groups
hardly daring to look
but they couldn't stay indoors
not that night
all were bathed in flickering flame light
breath drifted out of mouths aghast
I cowered in my grandfather's arms
we shivered and looked skyward
the next day we went for a walk
to see the river frozen.
the old stone bridge was so cold
the sky was blue and clear
This was haunting. Perfect in length and structure, no advice here beyond "keep it". I very much liked the use of the child's perspective to describe this, it lends the images a fresh pair of eyes and is so convincing in its naration that you really feel yourself in this kid's shoes, you are forced to suspend many adault assumptiona, moralizations, and even the need to define what happend. It was what it was.
The final stanza is especially gripping, there is a seeming innocence that remains intact, but a little closer to shedding that skin. Lovely and disturbing.
‘grown-ups talking in soft voices’ just screams the kids thoughts at the time. When grown ups talk softly you want to know what is going on. Also it puts me right into the scene that night. I could see everything from that sentence, them milling around in awe and shock, gossiping about how terrible it is.
I love the way the last stanza, starkly different to the rest, talks of cold and blue, totally different from the night before. Even in the blitz, the next day life goes on. Brilliant tribute to peoples resilience at that time.
Also the illustration of the bridge still standing, still spanning a dangerous impassable river. While there may have been carnage the night before that bridge still stands as does many others. LOVE IT. The choice of bridge over any other structure is a great one.
The invasion has taken place and the evil Empire has conquered the Sith! No! Has Jon Luke left for the Klingon Empire and left #1 in charge with Spok lost in the reactor chamber? NO! Pray tell, what calamity have we witnessed here Ertha? This sure sounded like the Borg to me! Really, please this has me wondering? Silver and Billy has not helped. I'll be sleepless in Pittsburgh, until I get this figured out. A great THOUGHT provoking write for sure. Later my Dear
I liked the voice of the child in this piece, it becomes another of the many interesting contrasts along with those of description and imagery, seen over time. The simplistic voice really works well in the last stanza, where the picture is one of calm, cool and colorless. That last scene, so barren om one hand, - is charged with emotion after the fireworks and terror of the first part. I quite enjoyed reading this Silver
Ok. I assume this is a before and after piece juxtaposing fire and ice, darkness and light, chaos and calm from the point of view of a child. Now that the obvious is out of the way, I admit the symbolism in the closing stanza is both comforting and unsettling (a bridge of hope spans a frozen river that suggests memories fixed in a child's subconscious, as a clear sky and a protective grandparent provide soothing relief from the previous evening). I enjoyed this vignette and look forward to more of the same. Nicely done. Take care. Bill.