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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: As the Smoke Curls Updots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MyFairCalamity
    ASL Info:    17**I'm a lady**philly
    Elite Ratio:    7.1 - 115/67/16
    Words: 324
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 658
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2117



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAs the Smoke Curls Updots
    -------------------------------------------


    He was the first to say it,
    What she had always felt.
    With 3 words their candle was lit,
    The wax began to melt.
    The flame had it's bright days,
    It had it's weak one's to.
    The wind blew at it from many ways,
    But somehow it pulled through.
    The wick held strong,
    through thick and thin.
    Together they trudged on,
    She was sure that they could win.
    Something changed then,
    He slowly drifted away.
    He left her wonderin' when,
    His eyes would turn her way.
    The words he'd said so often,
    The looks she saw him give,
    How long ago had it been,
    Since he had let them live?
    He'd often left her alone,
    On days he'd said he'd come.
    Talked to her in the annoyed tone,
    That made her anger drum.
    One day she got fed up,
    Couldn't take his shit no more.
    It knocked over the full cup,
    Of all the pain she had in store.
    Said things she wished she didn't,
    Things that she would come to regret.
    Did it in a way she wished she hadn't,
    His reaction she wouldnt soon forget.
    Silence was his first answer,
    "Whatever" came in next.
    She'd of hung that phone up faster,
    If the button could of been pressed.
    Something didn't settle inside her,
    She didn't like the way it ended.
    But with the things about to occur,
    She shouldn't have tried to mend it.
    He blew out their candle,
    Snuffed the flame completly.
    Left her on her own to handle,
    Her own crushed heart weakly.
    As the smoke curls up from the dead wick,
    And she holds the broken candle decrepitly,
    A single tear in her eye forms thick,
    Before she breaks down completely.
    And through her sobs she ponders,
    One question unabatedly.
    And all the time she wonders,
    "Why did he stop loving me?"




    Submitted on 2006-01-12 20:27:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
       That made me so sad.
    It's times like this that really make me wish I could cry. I'm not even overmedicated today... I only took one. But that's what antidepressants do, I guess.

    While I was rereading this just now, I couldn't stop being impressed with the rhyming. How the [censored] do you do that? I have never even attempted that rhyme scheme... Too hard for my little mind.

    Anyway, the last line pissed me the f*ck off.
    (Really. When I read it, I almost bit my thumb nail off lol)
    Don't worry though, I like it in your poem thingy. I just hate that question in general.
    Clearly it makes me mad. But hey, what doesn't?


    Jeez, I better get away from your page before I end up re-commenting on everything.
    Sorry I'm upping you commenty thing... but I have things to say, and if I don't say them when I think them, then... I'll just forget. I hate when that happens.

    Byee love
    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-09-26 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      HI kate,
    : ( it made me sad. I love the whole candle thing. I read this so mant times. Ya know, cause it was on ur home page and things but it still makes me sad.

    "As the smoke curls up from the dead wick,
    And she holds the broken candle decrepitly,
    A single tear in her eye forms thick,
    Before she breaks down completely."

    That was so beautiful and so sad. At least tom is good for some things. ooo Tom...[censored] Tom.

    Soorrry anyway love always,
    Samm
    | Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by LoveToHateMe | [ Reply to This ]
      Flashbacks...
    I had so many intense and painful flashbacks throughout this particular piece.
    I'd rather not go into the niddy griddy details, but let's just say you rewrote a regretable experience... obviously.

    Beautifully intense, not to mention just plain sad, write.

    Crystal
    | Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by purely_complex | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really sad...mainly cause well i can relate your emotions are shown beautifully and the wayyou structured it was lovely as well. i really liked it it reminded me of somethings i felt once which i guess is a good thing because you got emotions through good job.
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by ira | [ Reply to This ]
      It's absoulety beautiful..so much emotion so smooth and wonderful to read.This poem is definatley worth going on to my faves list (once i figure out to add my faves:P) anyways beautifl write and excellent work!...later
    | Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by Hip-Hop Honey | [ Reply to This ]
      I have a lot to say about this one. lol Its all good though, dont worry.

    The emotion and stuff comes through clearly and the descriptions are perfect. I like how you stuck with the candle theme the whole time without straying too far from that main idea (heh like i do). I have several favorite lines, and Im gonna point them all out AND explain why I like them lol

    "The flame had it's bright days,
    It had it's weak one's to.
    The wind blew at it from many ways,
    But somehow it pulled through."

    Awww thats cute. See how things start out nice like that? Then downhill it goes.

    "She'd of hung that phone up faster,
    If the button could of been pressed"

    I like how that describes the immobile feeling. More of an emotional than physical thing, i suppose. Whatever lol i like how you said it.

    "As the smoke curls up from the dead wick,
    And she holds the broken candle decrepitly,
    A single tear in her eye forms thick,
    Before she breaks down completely."

    Thats my most favorite part ever... like out of all of them. Cause it's perfect, and the imagery (yes, I said "imagery") is just marvelous.

    Ohh yeah... and then the age old question:
    "Why did he stop loving me?"
    Ehh who knows? I think its because hes an idiot. But thats just my opinion.

    Anyways, Very lovely, deary

    Ohh yes, and one more age old question,
    "Who let the dogs out?"

    Think about it.

    Byee
    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. The emotion in this write is very strong. It is also rythmic. The pain endured from this kind of situation is the worst to be felt. I say from experience. I love the way you use the candle to symbolize what the couple had.
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by nasuka | [ Reply to This ]


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