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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: And You Call Me Picassodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mixedemotions00
    ASL Info:    24/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    6.26 - 574/377/69
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Misc/
    Total Views: 1059
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 843



    Description:
       Nathan, Nathan, Nathan. He frustrates me so, but how I adore him!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnd You Call Me Picassodots
    -------------------------------------------


    And Iíve painted your image
    a thousand times over in my mind,
    layer over layer,
    colors and lines seeping through.
    Some fade;
    most prefer not to.

    I try to capture your
    elusive comings and goings,
    your strong arms and inevitable poker face.
    The way you scold me,
    and I giggle in anticipation of your laugh, and oh-
    that grin
    that cracks through the bleakest of days
    and makes all this hard work mean something.

    And when Iím lost,
    bold black slashes cross your
    bright blue eyes,
    signs of my weaknesses.
    I wait for you to save me,
    the slashes still visibleÖ

    And still, I cannot quite grasp
    all of your unearthly details,
    but maybe thatís what tomorrow is for.




    Submitted on 2006-01-13 01:18:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Aww I really like this.
    :)

    This made me smile. Everyone has that one person that in their mind is Perfect. Not Perfect per say, just Perfect for them.

    I tried to capture the guy I'm thinking of in words like this one time. Needless to say mine sucked. This one does not!

    I really like how you said that in your mind you've painted his image. Then you go on to describe it so it really seems like you are painting him.

    The only lines I was confused about was this part,
    "And when I'm lost,
    bold black slashes cross your
    bright blue eyes,
    signs of my weaknesses."

    I mulled over it for a second and I understand what you are saying but it might be better if you said something like this:
    "And I'm lost when
    bold black slashes cross your
    bright blue eyes -
    signs of my weaknesses."

    Just an idea. I still feel the same effect either way it just sounded a bit forced there. :)

    Other than that this was wonderful! :) I enjoyed it. The ending line was great.

    Take care hun.

    -blt
    | Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this, a little sappier than that of my usual tastes but good and it's gettin across a pretty strong message. i don't know if you're really an artist, i like using metaphor of being an artist in my poems on occasion just because i like the idea of painting a person in words, but that's just me so this may all be literal. either way its the end that makes this piece shine for me.

    And still, I cannot quite grasp
    all of your unearthly details,
    but maybe thatís what tomorrow is for.

    sorta sayin i can't bbut i wont give up. awesome. this isn't "moving" or anything to me, in my opinion, but it seems more so on a personal level so i appreciate the openness.

    on second review i'm more and more sure that this isn't about painting at all.

    hmm....

    i can't quite get across what this is sayin 100%, let me take a stab in the dark, let me know if i draw some blood.

    it's sorta like how in life we tend to re-paint people we love in our diffrent moods, and it's hard to hold in our minds that unearthly element that makes them so beautiful??? idk. that's what it makes me think about.

    good write.

    skilless
    | Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by Skillessbasterd | [ Reply to This ]
      I quite enjoyed this. I liked the comparison between your love as a painting, executed in your mind-and you as a Picasso, depicting for us the abstract, the emotions rather than the physical details as seen by the eyes. The only suggestion i might offer is that here and there you trim superfluous words,-extra pronouns, conjunctions etc, so that the diction is in keeping withthe minimalist suggestion of the theme. For instance
    "your strong arms and [your ]inevitable poker face"
    "and makes all [of] this hard work mean something." - and perhaps the And in Line 1 and/or the one that begins St 3( but not the one at the beginning of St 4)
    I absolutely love stanza 4, it leaves us gently like a wisp of smoke, to wander off where we may.
    Nice one
    Silver
    | Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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