Spreading sand, seeping inside by eve1684

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Submission Name: Spreading sand, seeping inside dots

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Author:	eve1684
ASL Info:	24/F/Germany
Elite Ratio:	4.81 - 1798/938/114
Words:	56

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	252
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	410

Description:

Spreading sand, seeping inside dots

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The streets are deserts
spreading sand, seeping inside
I can't say anything
my mouth is tight shut and sewn,
postmodernist
my footprints are blurred
we leave nothing
but the steps of ghosts on this asphalt
hoping that someday
it will break
and our pulse find its own way
not following a star
nobody can see
anymore

Submitted on 2006-01-13 05:15:42 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This flowed quite well! I liked this poem alot!!!
Thanks for sharring!
Kelley Frost
| Posted on 2006-10-02 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm impressed by the fact that with such few words you can move me so far, in some strange way it makes me feel as if I have been thrust into the role of some person who has been traveling on auto-drive for so long that I can't even recognize the stars as something other than a guiding tool to tell me which direction I am going, It also makes me feel as If I am traveling cronologicly too but I'm unsure of the direction....
| Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by SlanderousLust | [ Reply to This ]
  Perfectly expressed.

From the very first line it captivated me. Relating the road to a desert to your state of mind/emotions... it's all entwined in a very solid yet surreal way.

"Postmodernist" sticks out as quite intriguing... like a marker, a highway sign almost.

I've read a few of your poems now and must say that I enjoy your style. It's very fluid and relaxed and meaningful, and written in such a concise way that leaves no room for errors, yet leaves one with multiple interpretations.

Enjoyed, thanks.
Peace,

Jase

P.S. I just wrote a poem after this review of mine, which means that your poem inspired it. Here it is:

'Retrograde Emotions' 07/06/06

I could be

that lozenge in your throat,
but I am a ghostly taste--
made for much lower things in life.

Pulses are for animals,
yet my heart beats on the floor--
transparent and autobiographical.

We split the world between our fingers,
and hoped the sun would fall--
so the taste of divinity would be

that much closer.

***

For some reason, I just had to share that with you.
| Posted on 2006-06-07 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
  It's full and empty at the same time I'd say. So much to say ... but no one to hear... this is what I felt reading your text. Like someone that has a lot to tell and nothing from that person will survive trought history .... like if the person speaking was the last living beiing on the surface of the planet. I understand that felling. That's a good job as usual ( i'm used to your texts) but something came out byzarre...the word "postmodernist" I can't figure how it fits in your text...I mean i don't understand why you use it...Maybe I'm just dumb....But the rest of the text is shining.
| Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by Aceofthedice | [ Reply to This ]
  This is effective. I do feel like life is pretty dry and mechanical. I'm not really sure that it's ever been all that different though. I'm not sure that life fifty or a hundred years ago was any more satisfying. I guess the difference is that we have so much at out disposal (technology and such). What we could be doing much more positive things on this earth, but something about the infinite possibilities stifles us. However, the tsunami, Katrina, and the Kashmir earthquake serve to remind me how vulnerable we still are.

I do think you could remove the double negative if you want to be perfectly correct (You could say something like "without following a star/ nobody can see"). Anyway, good job. It's nice to see something new from you. I hope school is going well and that 2006 has treated you kindly so far, Amy
| Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  very nice. powerful. effective. strong. I was thinking it might be better with no one instead of nobody but not sure about that. throwing some theory in there was cool. although I have never been much to pay attention to theories or to follow them so I enjoyed the shot as well. nice work here, as usual!
| Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
  This was an effective piece. I like the way you use the ghost images. And the little 'shot' at postmodernism was nicely done. Only nit is the last 3 lines. The double negative kind of takes away the steam of the ending. Just my 2 cents; feel free to ignore it.

Peace,

Joe
| Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]

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