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Risk it

Author: MysterydarkPoet
ASL Info:    20/f/Aust
Elite Ratio:    3.13 - 157 /295 /173
Words: 101
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1059
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 669


Risk it

Rapture of the mind
Like a soul undefined
Look at the ray of light
Until it blinds your eyes
Yesterday never dies
In the eyes of tommorow
Spin the bottle
Take the chance
Give us room
For one last dance
Search for your bounderies in the dark
Count the steps to tell you how far
Act don't think
If you can't swim, sink
There's more than me and you
Discover there's nothing you can't do
Have faith in any path you choose
Always win, never lose
Take a step into the unknown
Risk it all, and leave your comfort zone

Submitted on 2006-01-13 06:07:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  this was good I think it was semi-orignal it was vivid puts what the poem is saying into a lil movie in your mind but yes the rhyming was a little off I dont' know if you were trying to make them rhyme but none the less a good write and good read
| Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by in_my_suffering | [ Reply to This ]
  Mabey the ryming was a bit off but it was still quite good. I enjoyed this poem alot. I especially liked the last few lines. Needs a little work but good job.
| Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by Bronzebird19 | [ Reply to This ]
  True to what Ryuki said it is a common poem. But to me it is still good, because it is something that was written with emotion of being felt at the time. I like poems that show you need to take risk in life and try to escape. The rhyming was off a tiny bit. It started out with one thing... and then went to free verse, hell I do it sometimes and people dont notice most of the time. When you do this make sure to add free verse in the middle only, and rhyme schemes at the begining and the end. You had words that had nothing to do with the rhyme scheme thrown in between certain notions:

You can see up above where the rhyme scheme was thrown off. I personaly enjoyed the poem. But for people no fans of mixed up free verse and rhyme... plus rhyme change schemes. It could be improved to be something even better.
Mistakes happen in your writing... Your only human but up above is the guide to show where mistakes went in if you were trying to keep one rhyme scheme or such.
-Evil Jesture
| Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by Evil Jesture | [ Reply to This ]
  The rhyming was a bit off (to me it is). I felt that I had read a couple of writes similar to this, so I have not much of any comments. I didn't mean that its bad... its just common.
| Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by RyukiTZR | [ Reply to This ]

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