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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sonnetdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Maverique
    ASL Info:    25/F/Own little world
    Elite Ratio:    3.27 - 438/478/128
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1490
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 702



    Description:
       A clumsy attempt, I fear. Doesn't do justice to what I mean to say.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSonnetdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Of what worth is love, if love can be bought?
    It be not sold, nor bid, for any price,
    can only be offered; a sacrifice
    to love unloved - else love counteth for naught.
    Conditional love hath not purity,
    be called not love, if it thus be sullied;
    an inferior shadow, pale and palsied -
    hath lost all its meaning and its beauty.
    But this, mine love for thee is free and pure
    and true. Loving thee for thy sake alone;
    not bought by gold, silver, nor precious stone,
    untainted by selfish gain; would endure
    sorrow 'til time's end if that be my lot,
    would cease not to love, though thou lovest not.




    Submitted on 2006-01-13 06:49:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Maverique,
    What I would suggest here is to not use the more archaic language you have used. Speak the way you speak. Trying to make your thoughts sound like Shakespeare's isn't the way to give the one you love your feelings. There is a sense of an attempt to impress her with it and that is commendable, bu tI think you'l find yourself happier if you use a more modern voice. You'll find your iambics much more easily in your own voice.
    "untainted by selfish gain; would endure
    sorrow 'til time's end if that be my lot,"
    I do like the way you move between these two lines with the enjambment, from quatrains to couplet becasue it offers a surprise, like a good volta should, and yet is tied into the rest of the poem in a very real way. Nice work.
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]
      I have done a fair share of sonnets myself, but shakespearian sonnets are amongst the hardest. I just can not believe that you went through with the required format and still managed to have such an effective plot with brought emotion. I really enjoyed this and as I read this piece I felt as if though i was actually the audience in a classic renessiance play or old time english rather. It was intense...
    Excellant!
    | Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
      A Shakespeareanne sonnet. I couldn't agree more with you about it not doign justice to what you mean. I have attempted (and failed) numerous times to write in perfect iambic pentametre what could be called a Shakespeareanne sonnet, and no matter how great the form was, the piece never held as much meaning as any of my simplest others.

    Still, you have done a rather good job with this one although personally I prefer "abab cdcd efef gg". I think this could be improved if you spaced things out a little, leaving lines between each stanza. Your wording and imagery are both really good regardless of the restricted format.

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]


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