[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Wash Awaydots

    Author: Autum-Moon
    ASL Info:    15/Female/drowing
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 284/165/29
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 947
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 517

       This poem was back when my ex really hurt me. This was one of the first poems I ever wrote so I know it needs to be worked on. Let me know what can be changed.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWash Awaydots

    All this is more,
    Then I can bare.
    I know you love me,
    I know you care.

    But I hurt,
    Deeper then you know.
    So please forgive me,
    I have to go.

    So on last time,
    I kiss your lips.
    My heart inside,
    It slowly rips.

    I stand back,
    You eyes grow bigger.
    I take the gun,
    And pull the trigger.

    I see you,
    Fade to grey.
    I feel my life,
    Wash away.

    Submitted on 2006-01-13 11:16:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like that I read this after I read your journal. You are seeing now that there is hope and love and you are washing away the rest.
    Take the best - leave the rest.
    This was good but you'll be inspired to even better!
    Love,Peace,Joy&Smilez 2 share
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a really strong piece. I love all of your work and I am adding this to one of my favorites! Great ryhming, personnaly i don't think anything needs to be improved!
    | Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this is deep i agree with beencollier dont let a relationshp get in your way or anything plz tell me that this poem is not based on you
    good job
    | Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by James Wiffy | [ Reply to This ]
      Deep stuff, hopefully this is a hypothetical piece. Please never let any relationship spur you or anyone to such a final outcome. As far as the poem itself, it is well rhymed and put together well. A pretty good job for a subject so "beaten on".
    your friend
    | Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]

    Nice, I always find it cool how you can rhyme. I have never been able to. The emotion is great.

    *Let it Flow*
    | Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by Silent_Tears | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Every..... written by jackz
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]