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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wash Awaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Autum-Moon
    ASL Info:    15/Female/drowing
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 284/165/29
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 974
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 517



    Description:
       This poem was back when my ex really hurt me. This was one of the first poems I ever wrote so I know it needs to be worked on. Let me know what can be changed.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWash Awaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    All this is more,
    Then I can bare.
    I know you love me,
    I know you care.

    But I hurt,
    Deeper then you know.
    So please forgive me,
    I have to go.

    So on last time,
    I kiss your lips.
    My heart inside,
    It slowly rips.

    I stand back,
    You eyes grow bigger.
    I take the gun,
    And pull the trigger.

    I see you,
    Fade to grey.
    I feel my life,
    Wash away.




    Submitted on 2006-01-13 11:16:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like that I read this after I read your journal. You are seeing now that there is hope and love and you are washing away the rest.
    Take the best - leave the rest.
    This was good but you'll be inspired to even better!
    Love,Peace,Joy&Smilez 2 share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a really strong piece. I love all of your work and I am adding this to one of my favorites! Great ryhming, personnaly i don't think anything needs to be improved!
    | Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this is deep i agree with beencollier dont let a relationshp get in your way or anything plz tell me that this poem is not based on you
    good job
    Jenn
    | Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by James Wiffy | [ Reply to This ]
      Deep stuff, hopefully this is a hypothetical piece. Please never let any relationship spur you or anyone to such a final outcome. As far as the poem itself, it is well rhymed and put together well. A pretty good job for a subject so "beaten on".
    your friend
    ben
    | Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey,

    Nice, I always find it cool how you can rhyme. I have never been able to. The emotion is great.

    *Let it Flow*
    Raven
    | Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by Silent_Tears | [ Reply to This ]


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