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Three times world champion,
Doctor Luv, a table tennis name
Was practicing his famed tactics
Before his next big game.

Then suddenly without a hint,
The stadium door unveiled,
The chap known only as the Iceman,
With a hat made out of hail.

He wore a silver mask with eyeholes
And a cape made from a sheet
Boots covered in snow and ice
Were fitted on his feet.

He put his hands on his hips
And laughed a laugh filled with menace
“Doctor Luv, I challenge you
To a game of table tennis!”

The doctor looked him up and down,
For the Iceman was a curious sight
The doctor saw his sticky-taped bat,
And said, “You must be kidding, right?”

The Iceman smiled behind his mask
There was a mysterious glint in his eyes
He said, “My friend the doctor,
I think you’ll be surprised”

Doctor Luv sighed and looked at his watch
It was only five to seven,
“Alright mate,” he said,
“First one to eleven.”

The Doctor won the toss
And started with the serve
He then won the first point
With an impressive backhand swerve

“You don’t scare me,” said the iceman
As he adjusted his left glove
But the next play was over just as quick
With the score now at two-luv

Poor freak, thought the doctor
Losing can’t be fun
But he only shrugged his shoulders
Doctor Luv goes easy on no one!

The score was now five-luv,
But the Iceman didn’t lose his nerve
“The game is not over yet,” he said,
As he took the ball to serve.

The Iceman straightened up his glove
And gave the ball a kiss
He hit it across the table
The doctor swung and missed

The ball went back and forth
Until the iceman had his way
The doctor missed another shot
Which ended one more play.

The doctor took the ball to serve
The score was now five all
Doctor Luv turned up his nose
And hit down hard upon the ball

The Iceman was on fire
But he didn’t lose his cool
He returned each of the doctor’s hits
He never missed the ball

The Iceman was up by three
It was more than Doctor Luv could take
He placed his bat upon the table
And proposed they take a break

The Iceman talked a bit about the war in Iraq
As he ate his cake and tea
Doctor Luv cried secret tears into his cup,
“How is this weirdo beating me?!”

The doctor fought back his tears
And fiercely clenched his teeth
But on returning to the game
The Iceman saw the doctor’s grief

Doctor Luv’s confidence quickly grew
As the Iceman missed the next three
But comfort became horror as he realised
“The Iceman’s going easy on me!”

Doctor Luv threw his bat onto the table
And crossed his arms just as coolly
“I am world champion!” he exclaimed
“There is no need to pity yours truly!”

“There are only three points in the game,” he said
“The score is now eight all
If you’re not going to play your hardest,
You shouldn’t play at all!”

“You are a true champion,” the Iceman said
“Doctor, I must say.
But if you want my hardest,
Then my hardest I shall play!”

The Iceman threw the ball up
And swung it nice and slow
The ball zoomed across the table
Three times in a row.

The balls had come so fast
The doctor couldn’t react
The Iceman smiled across the table
And politely tipped his hat.

“Good game, Doctor Luv,” he said
“So glad that we could meet.
You are a true man of the game,
A pleasure to defeat.”

Doctor Luv, three times world champion
Still holds his title name,
But now trains a little harder
Before each major game.

And as for the Iceman,
But ah, who can say?
He marched off into the hailstorm,
The table tennis way!