Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: bitter autumndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mixedemotions00
    ASL Info:    24/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    6.26 - 574/377/69
    Words: 49
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 1057
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 420



    Description:
       wrote this one cold morning in october after a bad weekend.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbitter autumndots
    -------------------------------------------


    complete desertion
    in a world filled with foliage;
    oranges reds and yellows
    ignite my loneliness,
    intensify my longing.

    his bright blue eyes
    burn with cold indifference.
    fiery late-nights notwithstanding
    deficiencies in affection.

    miscommunication abound
    in this world ablaze with beauty.

    how i adore his smile.




    Submitted on 2006-01-13 22:56:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      As I read this the thought came to me, if he sparks bitterness in Autumn, how frosty might the winter be?
    Miscomunnication and deficicencies in affection, this tells me you already have enough knowledge to let him blow away with those leaves. And I must also ask, Are blue eyes worth that much mixed with a smile?
    But love is blind, and its not my affair.
    You tell well the longings of your heart. But has it ended here?
    Later
    | Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      aww how sad and sweet I can picture the autumm leaves outside the window falling and swaying as the cold air dances around them. The sky looks lost and sad and inside you begin to think about what happened and the way he looked, his smile and eyes are the thing you remember the most, and it pains you sit here alone without someone to embrace you when you feel alone

    *sigh* how sad and beautiful (the poem I mean) it was a short good write and I hope things get better for you, hey spring is coming soon.

    andrea
    | Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by ladydeathstrike | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice. I like how you incorporated nature in to your emotions. Autumn can be bitter, but you managed to see the beauty in it (how I miss it, that peace with the world around me). On the other hand, the fiery beauty of nature is confronted to his emotions. So, everything is tied. Very descriptive and enjoyable write.
    | Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      My display picture I have up now - a picture of the leaves outside my house that I took on October 28th would go great with this write.

    I find it interesting that the oranges reds and yellows ignite loneliness in you. I don't feel that way when I see those colors so it's cool to get another perspective of what someone else sees in it. :) Plus you said that you had a bad weekend when you wrote this so that is a contributing factor to the loneliness you see in the autumn colors.

    I really like the statement "burn with cold indifference." when talking about his eyes. Burn and cold are opposites so bringing them together makes for good writing.

    The other phrase that captured me was "miscommunication abound in this world ablaze with beauty." and then end the poem with adoring his smile.

    Miscommunication can come from a simple smile...I know that first hand!

    I hope this piece gave you some closure to whatever tense and lonely feelings you felt. Whatever you felt you turned it into a lovely piece of writing.

    Great job.

    Take care.

    -blt
    | Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    87475

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry