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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: bitter sweet nightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EV2884
    ASL Info:    21years/female/michigan
    Elite Ratio:    2.88 - 53/48/15
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Vampire
    Total Views: 564
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 798



    Description:
       just to see if any one likes this poem


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbitter sweet nightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    the bitter sweet night
    sings it's sweet lullabye
    the first to drawn
    will be the first to be embraced

    the bitter sweet night
    plays it's sweet lullabyes
    to tempt you, to mesmerize you.
    until you can't take it
    any more and you begin
    to race towards the music
    that the night sends off.

    the bitter sweet lullabye
    gives you no choice
    but to go to it
    to see who is sing the
    bitter sweet lullabye.

    when you get there
    you are welcomed
    by a pair of opened arms
    and when the vampire
    hugs you. he will
    fully embraces you.

    and then he continous
    to sing the song of the
    bitter sweet night.




    Submitted on 2006-01-14 11:16:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I came back to read this poem and I noticed the guy that commented after my comment. First off I have to disagree with for saying your poem does not stand out. It does and i enjoyed it. As for him calling me a suck up, what the hell? Doesn't he know this is a website for criticism on your writing, where you ask ppl to comment on your work? So we get better with writing potry or whatever else.

    Anyways, much love.

    PinkFairy
    | Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ]
      i would like this poem alot better if it didnt mention a vampire. i think it would be a much stronger peice talking about the night and implying a vampire rather saying one is actually there. your concept does change a little from the begining to the end other than that it was ok.
    | Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by cherrypie | [ Reply to This ]
      This was good i like this one alot.U should read mine called "feast of blood" I think u would like it if u write this stuff. well hope to hear from u and keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by theman | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree it was good, it was vivid but the Bittersweet Lullaby was overused you really don't need to use the same line in one stanza and bitter sweet was just used to much you need to come up with other desciptions for things the idea was kinda confusing but it was good I like Vampire poems and hope to see more poems from you

    -Logan-
    | Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by in_my_suffering | [ Reply to This ]
      um in complete opposie to the last guy i actually dont like the repition of the bittersweet... i think wen it changes from "lullaby" to "night" it destroys the effect you where trying to build... the continuing theme of the poem.

    hahah the guy who commented first is such a suckup. "it reminds me of my poems... check them out..." haha NO.

    its an okay poem. its understandable, its got a clear theme, and theres nothing that seems wrong. but it also doesnt stand out.. i dont mind it, but i wouldnt read it twice.

    Peace out.

    Dublhelix
    | Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by dublhelix | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this is great. I liked how it kind of played with my mind. You do have a fewer minor spelling errors that you can easily correct. i also liked your last stanza, it ends it perfectly. This reminded me of 2 of my poems: My dawn, Sweet music. if you have time check them out, I would love your input.
    The way you sayd the singing was bittersweet, i liked that. it makes me understand the poem better. Good job.
    | Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ]


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