I came back to read this poem and I noticed the guy that commented after my comment. First off I have to disagree with for saying your poem does not stand out. It does and i enjoyed it. As for him calling me a suck up, what the hell? Doesn't he know this is a website for criticism on your writing, where you ask ppl to comment on your work? So we get better with writing potry or whatever else.
i would like this poem alot better if it didnt mention a vampire. i think it would be a much stronger peice talking about the night and implying a vampire rather saying one is actually there. your concept does change a little from the begining to the end other than that it was ok.
I agree it was good, it was vivid but the Bittersweet Lullaby was overused you really don't need to use the same line in one stanza and bitter sweet was just used to much you need to come up with other desciptions for things the idea was kinda confusing but it was good I like Vampire poems and hope to see more poems from you
um in complete opposie to the last guy i actually dont like the repition of the bittersweet... i think wen it changes from "lullaby" to "night" it destroys the effect you where trying to build... the continuing theme of the poem.
hahah the guy who commented first is such a suckup. "it reminds me of my poems... check them out..." haha NO.
its an okay poem. its understandable, its got a clear theme, and theres nothing that seems wrong. but it also doesnt stand out.. i dont mind it, but i wouldnt read it twice.
Wow this is great. I liked how it kind of played with my mind. You do have a fewer minor spelling errors that you can easily correct. i also liked your last stanza, it ends it perfectly. This reminded me of 2 of my poems: My dawn, Sweet music. if you have time check them out, I would love your input. The way you sayd the singing was bittersweet, i liked that. it makes me understand the poem better. Good job.