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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Alonedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: giver_of_death
    ASL Info:    15/f/can
    Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 99/71/16
    Words: 66
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 265
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 495



    Description:
       I wrote this write when I was typing it.Let me know how it is.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAlonedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Alone
    No one ever next to me
    Alone
    I'll never get my degree
    Alone
    Always by myself
    Alone
    Like living in a cell
    Alone
    No one ever cares
    Alone
    No one hears my prayers
    Alone
    Sitting in the dark
    Alone
    My life is a lark
    Alone
    Why bother living
    Alone
    I can't keep on giving
    Alone
    Whisper to the night
    Alone
    A shadow of your fright




    Submitted on 2006-01-14 16:54:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well, I have to say that you captured the loneliness to a point, but I would like it a lot more if there was a little more to it. I do agree that this is personal to you and holds it's own meaning with you. Sitting here reading it, I would like to read more of what the emptiness is all about. Maybe a bit of why it's there and such. Anywho, you've got something to work with here and should you choose to, it has the potential to turn into something really great.

    Candi
    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      I like that. You describe the lonely trapped feeling perfectly. I know too well what you mean.

    My favorite part is the end:

    "Alone
    Whisper to the night
    Alone
    A shadow of your fright"

    Awesome wording. I have nothing but compliments for you
    Great job!

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Sorry, but I cannot be kind about this. I am sure it is special to you so I will not be too mean. It is clichéd, boring, overly repetitious and simply same ole same ole. Now, what you do with this comment is your own choice, however, please see it not as an attack on you personally, just an opinion from someone older and perhaps a little more experianced. DO NOT let my comment disuade you from your creativity, use it as a kick in the butt to perhaps strive for improvement

    your friend
    ben
    | Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm, this was very, very good. I know how you feel so much that it's scary...if you even feel this way. You might have wrote for the sake of writing it, but anyway...this was a beautiful poem and, by the way, I love your icon. It rocks.
    | Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      hm...well kinda have to agree with ben but i think i like it better then him, so yah..
    it is rather simple and the repetition would be fine if the next lines would be long and less of what you always hear. its kinda like alot of the same stuff under the whole depressed tone. we all know how it feels to be alone but i think you have a stonger ability to be more creative.
    but keep writing.

    -BleedingTears
    | Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]



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