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    dots Submission Name: gay marriage should be illegaldots

    Author: She Is Insane
    Elite Ratio:    3.21 - 40/60/32
    Words: 293
    Class/Type: Misc/Satire
    Total Views: 1442
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1848

       I did not write this but I sure wish I did.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsgay marriage should be illegaldots

    It should read:
    Top Ten Reasons Why Gay Marriage Should be Illegal and they are as follows:

    1. Being gay is not natural. Real americans always reject unnatural things such as glasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
    2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
    3. Legalizing gay marriage will create all kinds of crazy behaviour. People might even want to marry their pets because a dog has a legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
    4. Straight marriage has been around for a long time and haven't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
    5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55 hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
    6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
    7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children since straight parents only raise straight children.
    8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on all of us...that's why we only have one religion in America.
    9. Children can never suceed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
    10. Gay marriage will change the foundations of society; we will never adapt to new social norms just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, and longer life spans.

    [credit to best of CL]

    Submitted on 2006-01-14 19:49:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked your moniker when it appeared on the sign in page so I came to visit. This is really funny, I wish all the homophobes would read it, it would be fun to see if they fell out of their chairs and had a belly laugh while they rolled on the floor (or wallowed in the furrow if you would ). I'm afraid your correct, they're gonna have to forget it eventually and admit to the comical nature of their prejudice. Not that I like the sodomizing rapists in jail and elsewhere any more than you do but yeah, that gay people deserve equal rights I also deem a correct assumption. Seriously though, on the contrary, I do consider it a little unnatural, almost queer perhaps. Animals almost never perform such acts, they're not pro-creatively salient. The essence of sexuality in the animal world! But then again we humans don't confine sexuality to preservation of species in that fashion. We're creatively deviant, and prophylactic, we consider what fun it is aside from pro-creation. In fact we're obsessed with the stuff, it's no wonder to me we have gayness. Nonetheless I don't emotions relate, it just seems strange. Not that I don't enjoy a little bit of strange when I can get it, but again nonetheless. Perhaps I need counseling. Were you aware that until the mid 70s homosexuality was considered a mental illness. I was born way before that, some things are hard to outgrow.

    | Posted on 2013-05-21 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      very wonderfully put.....i admit, i opened it expecting to see some overly conservative rant with which i could argue, but this is great.....and funny too, so alll the better, or part of the greatness i havent decided yet....

    | Posted on 2007-03-30 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      thats fuccing great. i had a funny feeling that this was gonna be funny and intelligent when i saw the title. i love the sarcastic stuff best...always have!
    | Posted on 2006-10-27 00:00:00 | by fryte | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I really had fun reading this. Quite interesting social study. All the stupid contradictions are pointed out. Gay people are still people and they have a right to choose freely their partners. Some of those people spend years together, loving and supporting each other, maybe more than many straight couples, so they should have same legal rights.
    And Iím sick of those people who are denying homosexuality. Itís here and it always has been. We might as well accept it and try to make our lives better.
    | Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      I was ready to give you a good talking to when I read your title and was pleasently surprised when I found your piece written 'tongue-in-cheek'. It is sad that some people are denied the freedoms that we are all suppose to share equally. You realize of course that one of the driving forces behind the anti-gay marriage org's is corporate america. Their lust for wealth is great and the thought of having to provide benefits to gay couples would be a large cut into the bottom line. This also spills over into the government who likewise would have to pony-up for equal treatment. As usual many reasons for resistance to change come from the $ factor and not from any righteousness or moral conciousness although they would like the masses to believe that. Thanks for the chuckle! Diamond Dan
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, I don't see what the big deal about gay marriage is. I think it's sad the people who spend their whole lives together can't collect life insurance in most states. They can't get health insurance coverage on their partner. People used to say that eliminating slavery or liberating women would be the downfall of society, but I think it's made it better. I could go on an on about this subject, but I think that any kind of love between two people is wonderful. I think a lot of the people so rabidly against gay marriage are denying latent homosexual tendencies, Amy
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah i thought i was gonna get pissed but that was awesome. i really dislike conservatives. and i like sarcasism so yay for this. if it's ok i'd like to copy this and post it on a blog i won't take credit or anything. is that ok with you?
    | Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by beth freese | [ Reply to This ]
      The title pissed me off. It made it all the more funny when i opened it up and found a joke. This is great. Putting all the insane comments of stuck-up people in a sane voice that makes good points against it.
    I always wondered what would happen if someone who was so against gay marriage, found out one day they were gay...
    | Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by Red_reaper | [ Reply to This ]

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