What's up? by Rain

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Submission Name: What's up? dots

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Author:	Rain
ASL Info:	18/F/Idaho
Elite Ratio:	3.84 - 518/501/64
Words:	89

Class/Type:	Poetry/I am dead inside
Total Views:	279
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	498

Description:

What's up? dots

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Up is the sky,
Up are the clouds that I’m supposed to be on.
Up holds the things I wish to be.
Up is where, where I'd like to be

But I’m destined for doom,
Punished to downers,
Forever held in the grips of depression.
Happiness is forever out of reach.

Forever gone,
And never to be mine
Gone are my ambitions,
Flown are my wishes,
drowned are my hopes,
Dead is me.

Submitted on 2006-01-14 22:43:48 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I liked this a lot, but I felt that it ended very abrupt. Please add some more!! My favorite line was "forever held in the grips of depression" I felt that it had more depth than what you portrayed. Almost like it was a silent cry for help. I am sorry if this is the way you feel, because I can totally relate and it sucks. Hopefully you can find an inspiration to helo pull you out of the darkness. GREAT WRITE!!
~Alyssa~
| Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
  Pretty intense and I can assume that the context in which it was written was intense and difficult too. It seems to drop distantly on the first line of the second stanza and never really cheers up!
I can only hope that you do obtain your ambitions, wishes and dreams.
-x-
| Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by irvine_valentin | [ Reply to This ]
  forever is a really long time. writing is hope. writing is an ambition. if it was not there it would not be worth talking about or writing about. the answer is there. perhaps it really is in the mirror - figuratively speaking.
| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by jdinning67 | [ Reply to This ]
  Dead inside? There has to be something alive in you in order for you to feel depression. In order to be depressed you must feel and in order to feel you must be alive, animate.

Death is a cruel joke. Too many linger upon it as a means to an end. Why not deal with what you have and make it better? Rather then waste your life in a depression you have secluded yourself in.

This was a wonderful write.
Kitty
| Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by I Exsist | [ Reply to This ]
  oh, Kim!

I really like the way you make your point come across, but when I read the 1st line, I thought it said,

Up in the sky,

But I looked at it again realised it said "Up is the sky," and that's fits really well, which shows you are literally down in the dumpy-dumps.

"Up are the clouds that I'm supposed to be on."

You feel like, "Hey! Everyone else is up there playing and being happy! and I'm punished to downers! Forever held in the grips of depression."

Sorry you feel so crappy .....and sorry I suck at commenting.......maybe you should try writing some happy poems....

trini~avril54~slef~!
| Posted on 2006-04-15 00:00:00 | by Avril54 | [ Reply to This ]
  Jeeeezz, are you down in the dumps! Ok, sorry, I'm not making you feel better.

I get what you're saying, everything that you want is up, and your'e way down. What goes up, must come down. The title holds your classic tone of cynical wryness. What's up? the good stuff. What's down? the bad stuff, and you with it.

I just have one objection: don't put it under
'I am Dead inside' because you ar SO not dead inside! Put this under Longing. A soul that is dead cannot long or be sad, and this poem speaks that you ahve that in spades.
Remember, you have been just as far up as down, and you will be there again.
And you have many friends to lift you up there, even if we have to stack up ontop of each other and carry you on our shoulders!
| Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Jeniffer | [ Reply to This ]
  when you are depressed it feels like you'll never be happy again, i know. i've been there. but with support from friends and/or family and self-confidence you can pull yourself out. "Happiness is not a gift, but a talent."
| Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by LostInTheClouds | [ Reply to This ]
  throw the bottle away,weather it b full of liquid or pills=maybe the refrence 2 is why i got that.
anyways...full of emotion,i became myself when i read this,yes i say depressed i was.only change was that it was 4 u and not me 4 a sec

i did want a little more=maybe longer
hate 2 feel
i crave
the rain

toyysruss
| Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]

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