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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Two loversdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Akili
    Elite Ratio:    2.36 - 915/400/60
    Words: 212
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 795
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1266



    Description:
       Ok, I'm in a slightly morbid mood and haven't written anything for this site in a bit. So *points at her crap* I really have no idea what to call this, so tell me of a good title?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTwo loversdots
    -------------------------------------------


    They walked by the path
    as the sun slowly went down
    not wishing to take away this perfect day.
    He held her hand in his and smiled
    hoping that she still felt the same.

    She laughed at his jokes
    splashed water onto his face.
    They then watched as the sun cast
    a red and orange tint upon
    the ending day of the rest of their life.

    She made him skip down the path
    both laughing at the image he made
    and each wishing out loud
    for something to get rid of all bugs that show up
    when someone dares to trespass upon the woods.

    They kissed goodbye
    not a linger, for each knew they could talk another day.
    Smiling they held hands then left
    the other to drive home alone.
    And she sang along with the radio as the moon rose in the sky.

    The next day not a call came
    from one or the other.
    He waited by the phone after a week
    and wondered what had happened.

    And school came by again
    just in time for him to hear about that girl.
    The one who wrote the note
    “Goodbye, I love you, tell him not to despair.”
    Before diving into the rocky cliffs of hell.




    Submitted on 2006-01-14 23:39:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      o man, i was thinking that this was so good, and really going for it. and bam! right at the end it catches you by surprise. it wasn't expected at all. I really liked it though. It would hurt so much to lose someone like that.

    wfrunner
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by wfrunner | [ Reply to This ]
      o man, i was thinking that this was so good, and really going for it. and bam! right at the end it catches you by surprise. it wasn't expected at all. I really liked it though. It would hurt so much to lose someone like that.

    wfrunner
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by wfrunner | [ Reply to This ]
      o man, i was thinking that this was so good, and really going for it. and bam! right at the end it catches you by surprise. it wasn't expected at all. I really liked it though. It would hurt so much to lose someone like that.

    wfrunner
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by wfrunner | [ Reply to This ]
      o man, i was thinking that this was so good, and really going for it. and bam! right at the end it catches you by surprise. it wasn't expected at all. I really liked it though. It would hurt so much to lose someone like that.

    wfrunner
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by wfrunner | [ Reply to This ]
      o man, i was thinking that this was so good, and really going for it. and bam! right at the end it catches you by surprise. it wasn't expected at all. I really liked it though. It would hurt so much to lose someone like that.

    wfrunner
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by wfrunner | [ Reply to This ]
      o man, i was thinking that this was so good, and really going for it. and bam! right at the end it catches you by surprise. it wasn't expected at all. I really liked it though. It would hurt so much to lose someone like that.

    wfrunner
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by wfrunner | [ Reply to This ]
      o man, i was thinking that this was so good, and really going for it. and bam! right at the end it catches you by surprise. it wasn't expected at all. I really liked it though. It would hurt so much to lose someone like that.

    wfrunner
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by wfrunner | [ Reply to This ]
      o man, i was thinking that this was so good, and really going for it. and bam! right at the end it catches you by surprise. it wasn't expected at all. I really liked it though. It would hurt so much to lose someone like that.

    wfrunner
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by wfrunner | [ Reply to This ]
      o man, i was thinking that this was so good, and really going for it. and bam! right at the end it catches you by surprise. it wasn't expected at all. I really liked it though. It would hurt so much to lose someone like that.

    wfrunner
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by wfrunner | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the love involved and the turn at the end. Good write!
    Candale-Switch
    | Posted on 2006-11-08 00:00:00 | by Candale-Switch | [ Reply to This ]
      umm..this is interesting...like some ppl say b4..it was happy and go lucky...which I wish I was more of..but i usaully right to vent and let loose hurt feeling...

    but anyways bak to this peice..umm..personally..i didnt like it..but i did...this would be a better story then poem..
    I didnt like it because...happy story-straight to sad..plus i expected it..when he was waiting for a week..she died in an accdent..is morely what i was thinkin..but you did a good job leading to it..her..sucide..which you have no reason why someone so happy with a guy would do so..maybe she really didnt love him? who knows...but yeah..i hate books that do that..you should add an ending tale...its just like you left the icing out of the cake...
    | Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by KimmyBoo | [ Reply to This ]
      I didn't like it. It was so happy and mushy to begin with which I already don't have much of an interest it. But then she drove off a cliff for no reason. I wish I knew the reason.

    It was written masterfully but the subject matter was depressing. She seemed so happy and then to just drive off a cliff?
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by Fire | [ Reply to This ]
      Seriously i Agree with rain what the hell why did she do it ADD ON it was getting good then you just drove us off a cliff ahhh now i wanna know
    but other wise i likey lol keep it up
    Peace
    Star
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by Star | [ Reply to This ]
      Holy [censored], Aki! This is freaking awesome. I want more! Give me more! Add to it, add to it...do it!

    In seriousness. The end was so unexpected which makes it so great. You always know how to put a good twist in things.

    You only had one spelling error, which is freaking awesome! Let me find it...Fifth stanza, first word.

    The title works, but you could do better...unfortunately I have nothing in the relm of an idea for you...sorry.

    Well, I guess I'll see you at school on tuesday or wednesday.

    ~Kim
    | Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]


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