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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Explore the truthdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: slntfirflm
    ASL Info:    26/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 301/331/93
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1020
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 553



    Description:
       this is one of my pieces that has been recently written... and i decided to post it... sorry i have been gone for such a while.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsExplore the truthdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I shall embellish you
    with colors of the world.
    Perplexed upon everything
    compassion is the key.

    Sorrow oh sweet sorrows
    is nothing more than
    rolling in pity of tears.

    forget the lies
    of all that is swept upon
    and with this red rose
    it shall be the beginning
    to all the can be explored.

    Slumber into the pure bliss
    of acknowledgement
    because as I help you
    to your feet
    we shall journey into your
    inner beauty.




    Submitted on 2006-01-15 03:53:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      oh wow! i really love this piece. It just pulled me in! :) Okay, back to the poem. It's like ur saying, stop hiding yourself, and let's explore each others truths. I really love love love this piece. lol. Here's my fave stanza:

    forget the lies
    of all that is swept upon
    and with this red rose
    it shall be the beginning
    to all the can be explored.

    I think this is the main part of the poem in my opinion. Well, great write! i just might add this to my faves list! Great job!

    Kim~
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by _NowOrNever_ | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree with death22881 on that this piece could be expanded and refined. You were able to create good imagery with this piece, but I think that there can be more. It seems like because of the emotion and imagery, the poem is too short. I think that it would rock if you hit the emotion and imagery hard. Play with it, bring it out. Bring out the "compassion" you speak of in the first stanza. The second stanza doesn't do justice to the emotion of pity and sorrow that you're trying to convey. I hope that I don't sound like an ass, but after reading this piece, it didn't feel like you put all of your emotion into it. I haven't read any of your other poems yet, but after reading a good number on this poetry forum, you start to get the feeling about which pieces had the authors heart and soul wrapped within the words. I felt like this piece was missing part of that.

    But besides that, I think that you have a good start.

    Corey
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by Ravenwood | [ Reply to This ]
      Not a bad write that one, i like it very subtle and soft neither over powering nor understated. Just right. Its pace is rather nice and enjoyable, the wording of this poem is powerful and descriptive giving good imagary.

    I think that this poem is a good first draft and could be expanded and refined.

    Death
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by death22881 | [ Reply to This ]


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