Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Explore the truthdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: slntfirflm
    ASL Info:    26/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 301/331/93
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1109
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 553



    Description:
       this is one of my pieces that has been recently written... and i decided to post it... sorry i have been gone for such a while.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsExplore the truthdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I shall embellish you
    with colors of the world.
    Perplexed upon everything
    compassion is the key.

    Sorrow oh sweet sorrows
    is nothing more than
    rolling in pity of tears.

    forget the lies
    of all that is swept upon
    and with this red rose
    it shall be the beginning
    to all the can be explored.

    Slumber into the pure bliss
    of acknowledgement
    because as I help you
    to your feet
    we shall journey into your
    inner beauty.




    Submitted on 2006-01-15 03:53:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      oh wow! i really love this piece. It just pulled me in! :) Okay, back to the poem. It's like ur saying, stop hiding yourself, and let's explore each others truths. I really love love love this piece. lol. Here's my fave stanza:

    forget the lies
    of all that is swept upon
    and with this red rose
    it shall be the beginning
    to all the can be explored.

    I think this is the main part of the poem in my opinion. Well, great write! i just might add this to my faves list! Great job!

    Kim~
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by _NowOrNever_ | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree with death22881 on that this piece could be expanded and refined. You were able to create good imagery with this piece, but I think that there can be more. It seems like because of the emotion and imagery, the poem is too short. I think that it would rock if you hit the emotion and imagery hard. Play with it, bring it out. Bring out the "compassion" you speak of in the first stanza. The second stanza doesn't do justice to the emotion of pity and sorrow that you're trying to convey. I hope that I don't sound like an ass, but after reading this piece, it didn't feel like you put all of your emotion into it. I haven't read any of your other poems yet, but after reading a good number on this poetry forum, you start to get the feeling about which pieces had the authors heart and soul wrapped within the words. I felt like this piece was missing part of that.

    But besides that, I think that you have a good start.

    Corey
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by Ravenwood | [ Reply to This ]
      Not a bad write that one, i like it very subtle and soft neither over powering nor understated. Just right. Its pace is rather nice and enjoyable, the wording of this poem is powerful and descriptive giving good imagary.

    I think that this poem is a good first draft and could be expanded and refined.

    Death
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by death22881 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    87582

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Incubus written by monad
    A Drink written by jjd
    Wavelength written by saartha
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Bond written by saartha
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Linger written by saartha
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Giving written by jjd
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Commencement written by Ramneet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry