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Rainy Days


Author: Hip-Hop Honey
ASL Info:    16/f/canada
Elite Ratio:    3.51 - 105 /86 /31
Words: 110
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 871
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 693



Description:


This poem is about me and my past life...i had many complications in my life...But I'm way better now my life not as complicating anyways I hope you like it


Rainy Days



Many nights of heartache
As she lies in the same bed every night
Feeling her heart break
She can't go through this pain anymore
How is she she going to get through life if she's not whole
And then comes the waterfalls
2 parrelel streaks that flow down her face
There beautiful it's truebut they carry
The pain of a girl who is so blue
She has gotten better over the years
Clouds and puddles still remain
And her heart is semi whole once again
She now sees sunshine
Because that's all she needs
Is that lilttle bit of sunshine to scare away
her once so many rainy days




Submitted on 2006-01-15 13:46:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  it was ood I think the best poem you've submitted yet but there is still alot that can be done I knwo you dont' care how good they are jsut that you can get your feelings out but on this site expect some constructive critatism you seem to be very repetative in your poems you need to try to vary out the words more and use more desciptive lines like you did when you sad her some the waterfalls two parrell streaks that flow down her face that was good try to use more lines like that keep it up

=Logan=
| Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by in_my_suffering | [ Reply to This ]
  try to use more varied words. like, heartache and heartbreak are very similar, and they're close to each other in the poem. and "blue" is a cheesy word to use for sad. but the sunshine/rainy day metaphors are cool.
| Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by LostInTheClouds | [ Reply to This ]
  its okay, i like the whole storm and sunny days idea but it could be better, maybe more revolved around lines like that. umm theres alot of the words she and her, to many i think
| Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by crazzybeautiful | [ Reply to This ]


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