Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Embracedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: forestspirit
    ASL Info:    21/m/inside
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 58/45/27
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 793
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 833



    Description:
       just wrote this not too long ago. It developed from these particular lines I used in a conversation. I was still somewhat trippin when I wrote this but not completely...............................


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEmbracedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sun rising above the horizon
    Devouring what is left of the night
    The fire burning, fiery circle
    The ritual, the hazy flight

    Come with me into the sunset
    Follow me in through the sea
    Come with me forever to roam
    The night is ours, make it our home

    There is an angel who has lost her wings
    She waits with the sinking tide
    Throw your hands out, welcome her in
    She embraces, forgiving my sin

    Dance around the fiery circle
    Dance to rhythms of Cadomble priests
    Between the angel and devil's strife
    Dance holding on to what is left of life

    With hands interlocked, walking
    Running by the ocean side
    With a child like smile on her face
    She pulls me through tonight




    Submitted on 2006-01-15 14:05:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      :) I love this poem of yours. The first of your writings that i read, I think. Its beautiful, has this entirely different rhythm. For some reason, it reminds me of ancient ruins, a reminder Im fond of.
    I don't see why you call yourself a bad writer. I actually dont see why you call yourself a bad anything. See, why I said your poems were perfect? It sounds like you.
    | Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by fiery whisper | [ Reply to This ]
      Terrific imagery. The uncommon rhyme scheme is interesting. It seems like an "abcb - abcc - abcb". That's cool, although the first and last "b"s aren't exactly the same. I was torn between the thought of whether this was intentional or not, but I don't see any reason for this to be a flaw in the piece, so I'll praise your originality.

    The one thing I think needs revising is the first stanza.
    "The fire burning, fiery circle
    The ritual and choose thy bride"

    It doesn't make sense. Not grammatically anyway, although your meaning is understandable. I suggest you replace "fiery" with another adjective because you've stated that a fire is burning before. I also think you should change the format of these two lines. It would do your poem justice.

    All in all, great write,

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      Great write. The images you protrayed were absolutely fantastic. You showed feeling, emotion, and also some very nice metaphores. I find it odd how I can't find one bad thing to say about anybody...Well, not REALLY bad. I haven't found one bad poem, though. Awesome.


    Comment on some of my stuff sometime, thanks.


    Alessio
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by Secrets Unheard | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    87616

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry