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    dots Submission Name: Embracedots

    Author: forestspirit
    ASL Info:    21/m/inside
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 58/45/27
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 793
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 833

       just wrote this not too long ago. It developed from these particular lines I used in a conversation. I was still somewhat trippin when I wrote this but not completely...............................

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Sun rising above the horizon
    Devouring what is left of the night
    The fire burning, fiery circle
    The ritual, the hazy flight

    Come with me into the sunset
    Follow me in through the sea
    Come with me forever to roam
    The night is ours, make it our home

    There is an angel who has lost her wings
    She waits with the sinking tide
    Throw your hands out, welcome her in
    She embraces, forgiving my sin

    Dance around the fiery circle
    Dance to rhythms of Cadomble priests
    Between the angel and devil's strife
    Dance holding on to what is left of life

    With hands interlocked, walking
    Running by the ocean side
    With a child like smile on her face
    She pulls me through tonight

    Submitted on 2006-01-15 14:05:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      :) I love this poem of yours. The first of your writings that i read, I think. Its beautiful, has this entirely different rhythm. For some reason, it reminds me of ancient ruins, a reminder Im fond of.
    I don't see why you call yourself a bad writer. I actually dont see why you call yourself a bad anything. See, why I said your poems were perfect? It sounds like you.
    | Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by fiery whisper | [ Reply to This ]
      Terrific imagery. The uncommon rhyme scheme is interesting. It seems like an "abcb - abcc - abcb". That's cool, although the first and last "b"s aren't exactly the same. I was torn between the thought of whether this was intentional or not, but I don't see any reason for this to be a flaw in the piece, so I'll praise your originality.

    The one thing I think needs revising is the first stanza.
    "The fire burning, fiery circle
    The ritual and choose thy bride"

    It doesn't make sense. Not grammatically anyway, although your meaning is understandable. I suggest you replace "fiery" with another adjective because you've stated that a fire is burning before. I also think you should change the format of these two lines. It would do your poem justice.

    All in all, great write,

    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      Great write. The images you protrayed were absolutely fantastic. You showed feeling, emotion, and also some very nice metaphores. I find it odd how I can't find one bad thing to say about anybody...Well, not REALLY bad. I haven't found one bad poem, though. Awesome.

    Comment on some of my stuff sometime, thanks.

    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by Secrets Unheard | [ Reply to This ]

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