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Forbidden Place


Author: Hip-Hop Honey
ASL Info:    16/f/canada
Elite Ratio:    3.51 - 105 /86 /31
Words: 136
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 742
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 814



Description:


I wrote this about my b/f dylan...and my inner feeligns about us...Anyone who's been reading my journals will know that this is not really how I feel anymore there are some spelling mistakes just try ur best to read it :P...hope you like it


Forbidden Place



He is a fool for loving her
When all he gets in return is her uncertantiy
He knows what he wants,what he wants is her
But what he don't know is her
She is scared and so frightened
She is falling more and more into this thing called love
She wants to run and hide
But at the same timeshe wants to stay and battle her number one fear
He knows what she looks like
Knows how she feels
But he hasn't been given the privalage yet
To see what's really going on in there
That's where she feels theses uncertain emotions
Where she keeps all her most inner feelings
In her heart and if
He is worth it he will have the right key
To unlock her ever so kind heart
Her most forpidden place




Submitted on 2006-01-15 14:10:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  this was ok it needs some work but I knwo how you are feeeling with your whole situation right now and you knwo I'm here to help if you need it but u kind of contradict yourself in the poem by saying her uncertainty about what's happening and then going on and say she is slowly slipping into this thing called love it kindaq contradicts itself which u need to change a lil but but it was still a good poem and it's good to write about things that are really happening in your life like most of your poems keep it up

=Logan=
| Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by in_my_suffering | [ Reply to This ]
  that was a really good poem...i agre with the other u should have spaced it...and i could of had a little more flow...but it was good..i feel like i can relate to the poem on many levels...good job crystal...keep em' comin
| Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by kapri49 | [ Reply to This ]
  thank you so much for sharing that poem. it was worth the read. just to comment, you have a few spelling errors in your poem, you might want to fix that. another thing is the flow. some breaks would have established some sort of rhythm which would enhance the effect of the poem. while reading this poem, I experienced alot of emotion which shows it was written from the heart. I could feel each word...I really liked it.
| Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by freshnpoetic | [ Reply to This ]
  good concept, i enjoyed it thoroughly. but it would be alot mroe appealing to the eyes if you spaced it out. other than that there's nothing i'd change about it. thanks for sharing.
| Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by Cannablisjunkie | [ Reply to This ]


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