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    dots Submission Name: Forbidden Placedots

    Author: Hip-Hop Honey
    ASL Info:    16/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.51 - 105/86/31
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 636
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 814

       I wrote this about my b/f dylan...and my inner feeligns about us...Anyone who's been reading my journals will know that this is not really how I feel anymore there are some spelling mistakes just try ur best to read it :P...hope you like it

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForbidden Placedots

    He is a fool for loving her
    When all he gets in return is her uncertantiy
    He knows what he wants,what he wants is her
    But what he don't know is her
    She is scared and so frightened
    She is falling more and more into this thing called love
    She wants to run and hide
    But at the same timeshe wants to stay and battle her number one fear
    He knows what she looks like
    Knows how she feels
    But he hasn't been given the privalage yet
    To see what's really going on in there
    That's where she feels theses uncertain emotions
    Where she keeps all her most inner feelings
    In her heart and if
    He is worth it he will have the right key
    To unlock her ever so kind heart
    Her most forpidden place

    Submitted on 2006-01-15 14:10:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      this was ok it needs some work but I knwo how you are feeeling with your whole situation right now and you knwo I'm here to help if you need it but u kind of contradict yourself in the poem by saying her uncertainty about what's happening and then going on and say she is slowly slipping into this thing called love it kindaq contradicts itself which u need to change a lil but but it was still a good poem and it's good to write about things that are really happening in your life like most of your poems keep it up

    | Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by in_my_suffering | [ Reply to This ]
      that was a really good poem...i agre with the other u should have spaced it...and i could of had a little more flow...but it was good..i feel like i can relate to the poem on many levels...good job crystal...keep em' comin
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by kapri49 | [ Reply to This ]
      thank you so much for sharing that poem. it was worth the read. just to comment, you have a few spelling errors in your poem, you might want to fix that. another thing is the flow. some breaks would have established some sort of rhythm which would enhance the effect of the poem. while reading this poem, I experienced alot of emotion which shows it was written from the heart. I could feel each word...I really liked it.
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by freshnpoetic | [ Reply to This ]
      good concept, i enjoyed it thoroughly. but it would be alot mroe appealing to the eyes if you spaced it out. other than that there's nothing i'd change about it. thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by Cannablisjunkie | [ Reply to This ]

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