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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Sky is Clearingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MyFairCalamity
    ASL Info:    17**I'm a lady**philly
    Elite Ratio:    7.1 - 115/67/16
    Words: 145
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 713
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 885



    Description:
       This poem is connected to Heart of Glass and untitled. All three poems are a string of feelings sprung from one event. If u want to read them in order, here it goes: As the Smoke Curls Up, Heart of Glass, The Sky is Clearing.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Sky is Clearingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A darkness had come over me,
    but if you looked you could not see,
    the pain I hid deep in my eyes,
    covered well by all my lies.
    You looked at me and thought you saw,
    but in truth, didn't know at all,
    what caused the looks, the lies, the tears,
    what caused the hiding and the fears.
    You never figured, you never knew,
    what caused the pain and tears was you.
    So weak and frail I was inside,
    I let you force the real me to hide.
    But I'm stronger than you are now,
    You know it's true but don't know how
    I've overcome the fear of myself.
    And have discovered an unknown wealth,
    the knowledge of who I always was,
    to the surface it starts to buzz.
    I love ME now, you're in the past,
    I've put me first, I've put you last.




    Submitted on 2006-01-15 14:18:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You know how I always stop by your page and reread things? Well, that's what I'm doing now.
    And for some reason, this time I have more thoughts.

    This reminds me of something I would have written like four years ago when I believed in happy endings. Even the wording reminds me of exactly what I used to say. (We're so similar that it's scarrrrry.)
    But that sort of made me think (which is never good lol). Isn't it interesting how in only a few years, you can go from "empowered" to "death is everything" lol How sick is that?



    "A darkness had come over me"

    Hmm... I'm glad you climbed out from under that darkness... cause if you didn't, then you'd probably blacken yourself into a comfortable hole in the middle of the woods.
    lol Yikes.

    (Sorry I'm rambling. I'm in one of my moods.)

    Anyway, as someone else said, I like how this is realistic. And I'm sure a lot of people can relate because you didn't make it too specific.

    Okay, I'm done now.

    Your hopelessly devoted, crazy, stalker fan
    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-09-26 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      A really nice way to finish the trilogy Kate, very uplifting and optimistic, and your last line says it all!

    Just a couple of words i'd delete so the rhythm gets better:
    "but in truth, you didn't know at all," I'd drop the "but" it's unnecessary.

    "that what caused the pain and tears was you." I'd drop "that" once again unnecessary

    "I've overcome the fear of myself.
    And now I've discovered an unknown wealth," I'd lose "my" and "I've" and "an" in the second line so it would read:

    "I've overcome a fear of self
    and now discovered unknown wealth"

    "to the surface it starts to buzz." I'd drop "it"

    Tiny changes, but the meter and rhythm improve greatly.

    I really loved this, so forward-looking and a lovely change.

    Well done

    e happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      hi katieeeeeee,
    lovely poem, my favorite part was:

    "You never figured, you never knew,
    that what caused the pain and tears was you."

    it just sounds nice and i liked:
    I love ME now, you're in the past,
    I've put me first, I'veput you last.

    because ur all like" ha i dont eveen care. ur gay and im better than u and i dont have to put up with ur [censored] anymore"
    this poem is empowering

    love samm
    | Posted on 2006-02-27 00:00:00 | by LoveToHateMe | [ Reply to This ]
      I am impressed by you. Your style and emotion incorporated within your writing is intense and straight-forward. I love it.

    I'm looking forward to reading and critiquing future pieces you will produce.
    You most definitely have my vote as an impressive writer.
    *smiles*

    Crystal
    | Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by purely_complex | [ Reply to This ]
      like the other two one of which i didn't comment on i really enjoyed it this one though i absolutly love. i also love the way you write you have talent lol. but this one well liek the other made me think and the emotions you protray in this piece come through brilliantly. simply put you rock hahaha yea...good job.
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by ira | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm liking this, especially the lines
    "the pain I hid deep in my eyes,
    covered well by all my lies"
    That just sums up all those lies that people tell, you cant see that there lying, untill you look in there eyes. as they say, the eyes are the windows into the soul...

    now, i've written all that, but not commented...hhhmmmm...well, obviously this is a realistic poem, and it works well! (for me anyway!)
    Its nice that you've been able to get so many fantasicall poems out of one event, and they go really well together! loving your style!
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by bambi144 | [ Reply to This ]
      I have a thing or two to say about a thing or two. lol I dont know. I just wanted to say that. Hah anyways... on to commenting...

    First, I have to say, I Love the title (with a capital L ). I think it's a lovely ending to the other ones.
    You express yourself very nicely.
    I like the positive ending. I'm not usually good with those, and if I DO have one, it's probably just there to sound good.

    But anyways, Kate... I'm like your biggest fan EVER! You're awesome

    Hmm... why can't I say the word [censored] without it being censored?
    lol ha

    Byee
    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    87618

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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