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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Stuckdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jessie thomas
    ASL Info:    24/F/Alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.13 - 299/338/79
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 820
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 803



    Description:
       I wrote this about a month ago. When I was first going out with Jr. and still thinking about kevin. I don't feel this way now about either of them. I am just friends with both...but I liked the poem, so tell me what you think...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStuckdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Slowly slipping
    And falling off the edge
    Wondering if you'll care enough,
    To try and save me

    Taking off my ring
    And looking into my eyes
    The look on your face says
    That you don't want me

    My eyes fill with tears
    I close them,
    Finally letting go

    But I don't fall

    Now safe again
    My eyes still closed
    I waite for you
    To take me in your arms

    I feel a touch
    And I open my eyes
    But it's not you that saved me

    Your standing in the distance
    Watching me
    I'm in his arms
    I'm not happy here

    I'm stuck
    And all I can think about
    Is you





    Submitted on 2006-01-15 18:49:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is ridiculously pretty. I can see this picture in my head, you standing in the ones embrace, gazing longingly at the one in the distance, while the person who's arms are around you looks at your face. Or your mom's face. Or maybe all h*ll breaks loose, and you kick him and his mom in the face, then have a moment, and run away to the one you want, but then have to kick him in the face because he's being stupid. And then I'll throw a beer bottle in your general diraction, hitting him, and you'll break out in a rap about what a lame-*ss loser he really is, and then you'll run away and become a lesbian, and your dad will cry...
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      that was really good..i agree it could use more flow...also it feels incomplete...it kinda leaves u hanging...but other then that it's good keep em' comin :D
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by kapri49 | [ Reply to This ]


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