Description: No, i'm not:
liberal
racist
stupid
stubborn
idealistic(anymore)
a one worlder/ist
You may notice (if you don't, you're unobservant)
that I seem to contradict myself. That's not so.
Everything I say twice means something different the second time, because everything has another meaning than the first.
Song -------------------------------------------
Beauty is swaying on hearts,
but the world doesn't spin beneath their feet
out with
Politics
highhorses
highways
highheels
doublespeak
triplespeak
headaches
aspirin
money
poverty
United
Time
work
stars
camcorders
news
paper
fashion
catches
rope
partisian books
boredom
lazy
black
skirts
burqas
throwing up
falling down
fighting
plastic
garbage on the beach
sleeping
wasting
microwaves
endings
Angelou
ugly
beauty
perfection
night
the world
in with the
Long days
freedom
birds
strong
barefoot
dresses
ducks
style
talking
Emily
Picasso
tangerine
Evangeline
boxes
stars
beauty
perfect
day
sand
laughing
crying
smiling
reading
painting
working
standing up
roses
white
catching
time
unity
life
love
world
The you're experimenting with form and if you ask me, you've succeeded in making the idea---the anti-parallel of the negative and the positives of live.
Philosophically what does this poem mean and bring to the reader? It doesn't give us any logical path to follow as to why we must come to view reality or more so ourselves in positive light but with a subtle sweep of emotively-rebelliously charged phrases of
"out with the/in with the"
you make us believe through action.
The thing that makes this even more sophisticated than it might seem at first is the phrases you use.
In both you use the same words such as beauty, world, etc. What does this say? You're talking about perception and interpretation of our reality.
Maybe,.. essentially and at its core both of the bad and the good are part of the same thing.
This comment has nothing to do with the fact that your comment to me was a complete blast and offered only criticism without suggestion, it is solely based on this piece.
What poetic value does any of this serve? You wrote a lot of words and thats about it. I don't offer any suggestions here either because frankly there is just too much that would need to change in order for this to become poetic. I do not understand how you can spend such a long amount of time writing about my work and how uninspired it is and then have this as your featured piece. Though I do agree I am in a huge crap-slump for my writing, your words don't match your own creation.
Out with control, rigidity, being labeled, conformity, deception, propaganda -- in with freedom, fleeting beauties, imagination, creativity. (I so laughed when I got to "out with Angelou" -- yeah!)
The fascinating part here is that you have beauty and perfection in your "out with" list, and beauty and perfect in your "in with" list. What's your distinction between perfection and perfect? (Don't worry if you don't have an exact answer because I don't know that I need one, I just find it interesting!)
Your word association is very fine, and often downright amusing. At times it's a contrast between the natural and the artificial, or between planning and spontaneity -- each time I read this through I focused on a different word/theme. There's enough continuity for this to work really, really well. Good job!
I read this very fast and then went back and read it a bit more carfully and it took me forever! this is not because i cannot read :) but because every word made me think of something connected to it. it was like following a train of thought that is built upon by your own.
If i had to describe this i would call it a bit of a prompt. the words make a story in themselves but they leave room for your own intrepretation and thoughts. i get all of the words you repeat. most have to do with societies views the fist time and then the 'real' definition the second , right?
Anyway, you have put me into a serious thinking mood Jeniffer and now my entire night will be dedicated to pondering the twisted thoughs and values of the world in which we live! ;) thanks for sharing SASHA LYNN
Out with the old and in with the new, eh? I like the connections you have with some of the words, e.g., tangerine, Evangeline. Considering that this poem is just a long list of words, you have the opportunity to force the reader to follow your train of thought by crafting these connections... you can then create a stronger conflict between the two sets of ideas by making each set of words actually feel like one idea. ("Conflict" isn't the word I'm wanting there, but I'm blanking on what I actually mean...)
its the end of the world as we know it...oh sorry, I guess since the title is "song", I tried to sing it and a little REM came out and took over. I just have to say I've been browsing your work the last little while here and am impressed. This is very unique, simply crafted and yet quite deep and meaningful, me like. I'm not going to dive as deep as bugsy on this one (sorry) but let me say I didn't view this as being rejectionist at all, instead I thought it very hopeful and very positive, as though looking forward to new, bigger, better adventures, a new, bright and shiny phase of life...just my take, maybe I'm way off what you intended but isn't that what this little thing we call "poetry" all about anyway? different strokes for different folks and all that speed metal jazz.
Being rejectionist doesnt make you reactionary and neither does it help to bind you to any truths of this world.
by assimilating, we dispense with and it is good to see you also include as well as reject - however, in the eyes of sustenance, the weak must suffer. by now i hope you've understood that hope is nothing but a meter to measure anguish by.
One thing i didnt understand - 'out with - ...ugly, beauty, perfection..' and 'in with - ...beauty, perfect,..'
maybe i'm being thick but are you saying something quite intelligent here? take the universe of possiblities, remove the bad seeds, introduce the individual's happiness. create a perfect ideal society which, here's the clever bit, comprises of good and bad cos life is not perfect yet at any point in time someone somewhere is happy, believing life to be great.
of course there is also the possibility of balance, but you've taken a different meaning, something more for the individual - what would be interesting would be to present this to the e-community and ask them to treat it as an excercise - what would be the most left out, included concepts?
Submission Name: Song
