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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Am I Doing Okay, Lord?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nodrelsnef
    Elite Ratio:    2.44 - 22/32/29
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 160
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 817



    Description:
       Questions for God


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAm I Doing Okay, Lord?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Am I doing okay, Lord?

    Am I doing okay, Lord?
    Am I doing okay?
    I wake up in the morning
    Drag my weary body to the door.
    Pull on my boots and
    Drag my tattered feet to the road.
    Am I doing okay, Lord?
    Am I doing okay?

    Am I doing okay, Lord?
    Am I doing okay?
    I say Hello to my mother,
    Say Goodbye to my son.
    I show up for work,
    Peak over my glasses and pray.
    Am I doing okay, Lord?
    Am I doing okay?

    Am I doing okay, Lord?
    Am I doing okay?
    I see the sky outside the window,
    The stars and beyond.
    I feel the answers all around me,
    But I feel nothing inside.
    Am I doing okay, Lord?
    Am I doing okay?







    Submitted on 2006-01-16 01:49:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm with Bambi. I think the repetitive nature gives your poem a lot of its power, but also gets a bit monotonous. Maybe you could try a version where the first and last pair of lines in the middle stanza are replaced with something that has similar rhythms.
    | Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by FrankBlissett | [ Reply to This ]
      hhhmmmm, i liked it, but there was someting about it that pushed me away from it...i'm not sure that your repetative use of repetiton worked as well as just repeting the lines at the begining then the end...BUT, i loved how you mixed the mundane life with such discriptive imagery and i loved the lines
    "I feel the answers all around me,
    But I feel nothing inside"
    | Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by bambi144 | [ Reply to This ]



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