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    dots Submission Name: The Mastery of My Emotionsdots

    Author: HaldirLives
    Elite Ratio:    5.12 - 234/149/60
    Words: 64
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 743
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 498

       This was inspired by a turning point in my life, which preceded the one described in 'Beauty?'. I was a total Star Trek nerd, and my favorite character was Spock. That is who I'm referring to in this piece.

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    dotsThe Mastery of My Emotionsdots

    So wholly unexplored
    and imaginary you are.
    What motivates such
    passive, unfeeling thought?
    Emotion nor consideration
    have you tasted in whole.
    Your heart is no center,
    your eyes no windows,
    Only gaping holes
    filled with meditation.
    What is it
    to be you?
    Could my passion
    be so easily tempered?
    And my mind
    so infinitely filled?
    Could I change
    what makes a

    Submitted on 2006-01-16 13:12:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hey good work on the revision I think that you really captured the essence of what you were trying to say this time. It also ties in much better with "Beauty" now. I always like to see a unique concept penned with justice and I think that this time you did just that. I really liked the way that you talked about eyes as gaping holes again, but my favourite line has got to be " Could my passion be so easily tempered, and my mind so infinitely?" I really liked that because it made the idea of un-emotions seem so beyond human reach and yet still a desire of your heart. My only suggestion might be on the last couple of lines to put them like " could I change," and then on the last line " What makes a human." but thats just me. Really excited to see what you put out next. Peace
    | Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by Rosh_5 | [ Reply to This ]
      Your poem had a good concept but I don't feel that you really delved into the depths of its potential. Its lenght lent to it the air of superficiality. I really feel that you could do alot more with this in way in discriptions of the abstract.
    | Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by Rosh_5 | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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